Dealing With Insecurity

Dealing With Insecurity

As I prayed through our theme for the annual women’s retreat this year, my first thought was “Walking with the Shepherd”. My second thought was, “How stupid is that—how many people have done Psalm 23, sheep, shepherd, the whole thing. Been there, done that.” The voice of criticism and accusation came quickly, and I almost scrapped the whole thing because of it.

Insecurity and doubt are companions of mine quite frequently, especially when it comes to creativity and leadership. I think of all the people who could do such a better job at whatever it is than I could, all the work that will go into the thing and how inadequate I am for it, or how no one should ever follow me anywhere because I’m lost most of the time anyway!

But then, Jesus faithfully reminds me that we aren’t relying on my ability, but His. He works well through my uniqueness when it is surrendered to Him and the power He brings to the situation. When I first started counseling again after my mentor Mike Wells died, the first thing anyone said in sitting down with me was how they wished it was Mike sitting there and not me. My response inside my heart was, “You and me both!” I felt there was no chance of being the counselor or discipler that the person needed because I was not Mike.

Deep Roots

Deep Roots

When we look to the world and the circumstances around us, we can easily get discouraged and frustrated. It may seem like we are alone in trusting God, and it’s quite ludicrous to do so. I also get discouraged in trying find something to do to change the circumstances, as I feel that’s often quite limited and unproductive. When we feel stuck or like everything is going wrong, our initial response is often to run away, or to try to change the circumstance. 

I like Jeremiah’s metaphor when he is told by God that those who trust in Him alone are like a tree planted by the river, with roots that go so deep into water that it doesn’t fear drought or heat. It has no anxieties. Well, a tree can’t get up and move, so that isn’t necessarily what it means to find happiness in trusting God. Instead, a tree’s roots go deep into the sustenance and water it needs to continue to make leaves and fruit.

Deep roots which grow into a River of Life—that’s what I need to get through the hardships of life. When I see a problem and turn away to Jesus, I acknowledge that He alone is trustworthy. Not my strength (or lack thereof), not my brains, not my friendships. In trusting Him to continue to get me through, I also remember that He often does these things in the face of seeming impossibility. What He calls me to sit in might seem so overwhelming. But with deep roots growing into a constantly flowing River of Life, I have what I need for the day.

Simple & Humble

Simple & Humble

So many things over the last few months have felt complicated, stressful and downright scary. I find some humor in the fact that the answers God keeps giving me about each of these situations is very similar—keep it simple. I’m grateful He doesn’t add the “stupid” as some do, but He does remind me repeatedly that trying to figure out a way through these things on my own is only going to bring more headaches.

I don’t generally even pray for a word of the year as some do, but there is always a theme that starts to rise above the rest towards the end of one year into the beginning of the next. I welcome it now, as I realize God is giving me some insight into what He is growing in me. I love that this isn’t a task I’m supposed to complete or a lesson I’m supposed to learn well and check off. Instead, it is what His Life in me is going to achieve and guide me in to as we walk together.

Simplicity, I have noticed, is related to humility. If I feel I must know the way ahead and I can handle it on my own, I end up making things more complicated every time. Humility means that I recognize my lack of ability, and then faith allows me to rely completely on God’s ability within me. Corrie ten Boom said, “It is not my ability, but my response to God’s ability, that counts.”

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus