Hannah Morrell
Giving Thanks Before We Receive

God is teaching me these days about giving thanks in the “before.” As in, before the answer comes, the change happens and the provision is delivered. We love giving thanks “after” and there’s nothing wrong with that. But when we are able to praise Him before we see any evidence of His work, and simply because we know Him and trust His love for us, this is a different thing entirely. I think there’s also a humility in acknowledging we have no idea how He’s going to work in the situation, and if we are even going to like it. But He is not absent ever, and is always working in the difficulties to bring us closer to Him.

I see examples of this in Jesus giving thanks as He was dividing the fish and loaves to feed the five thousand. He didn’t see evidence in front of Him of how His Father was going to feed all these people, but He believed that’s what He was inviting Him into, and thanked Him in advance. Paul and Silas while in prison in Acts 16 sang praises before they were freed, and really without knowing they would be. They sang first, knowing that their God would take care of them in the best way. Later in Paul’s life, that looked like being in prison for a long time. Why didn’t God provide in the same way? Because He often changes things up, never settling for the same.

Giving Thanks Before We Receive
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Hannah Morrell
Loving Enemies

Jesus said some pretty crazy things through the Gospels, and most of them didn’t make sense to any of the people listening at the time. One that really catches us off-guard is when He mentions how our ancestors have been taught to love neighbors and hate those who hate you, but He says to instead love your enemy. That’s nuts! There is nothing in me that wants to love someone who has set themselves against me. And I suppose that’s part of it—I can’t do this on my own.

Most of what Jesus calls us to do is completely impossible on our own. We can’t forgive, we can’t bless those who curse us, we can’t rejoice in trials, we can’t not be afraid. Yet with His Life in ours, He is saying this is possible, and even further, will be true of us as His living water of love gushes out through us to others.

Often when I get mad at someone because they’ve hurt me, or because they’ve hurt someone I love, I want to punish them, reject them and hurt them back. Most of this I suppose I do in my head, not in reality, but the attitude is definitely there.

Loving Enemies
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Hannah Morrell
Wisdom

I have been reading Proverbs the last few months, and God is definitely talking to me about wisdom as I read this book. It is a pretty major theme throughout after all, but I’m seeing it differently than I ever have before. Someone asked me what I thought the difference between wisdom and knowledge was, and I’ve been asking God the same question.

Often we focus on knowledge, gaining information ad nauseum, hoping that enough will allow us to control our environment, to be acceptable to God, to prevent pain. But no matter how much we know, we can’t control our circumstances, we already are acceptable to God (based on His work not ours) and we can’t prevent pain. Now, there’s nothing wrong with knowledge, but I think it is only half the battle.

I would define wisdom as the revelation of God’s perspective on the information we have learned, and His definition of application to our lives. Wisdom, after all, is Jesus Himself. When we recognize we are in Christ and already have all of Him, we also can ask for wisdom at any time, knowing that He will give it. James 1:5 says, “And if anyone longs to be wise, ask God for wisdom and he will give it! He won’t see your lack of wisdom as an opportunity to scold you over your failures but he will overwhelm your failures with his generous grace.

Wisdom
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Hannah Morrell
Trust & Fear

As I pray and soak in the presence of God these days, often the question that forms in my mind from Him is, “Do you trust me?” And generally my answer is, “Not really. But I want to. Will you help me?” What I’m discovering is that this continued building of trust by Him in my heart is a very slow process, and I feel like I’m moving backwards quite a lot. I know I’m in good company with that as well, so it’s not something that’s shocking to Jesus as He shepherds me.

Some days I feel like there are weights on my feet as I walk this road, and I am realizing it’s not pressure from God for He never demands trust. I get really down when I believe I’ve failed and disappointed Him again. But that’s not His perspective. He always invites—never demands. He doesn’t use condemnation or shame to get me to move the right direction. If any of these voices exist in my head it’s from the enemy, and I must dismiss it as a lie.

Trust & Fear
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Hannah Morrell
Living Water

I was recently traveling through western Colorado with my family, and noticed the beauty of the water cutting through rocks everywhere we went. In some places, it became a rushing waterfall, wildly dancing down massive rock walls. In others, it had caressed the rocks so many times it had made them smooth, carving out little bowls and baths along the way. Minerals and varieties of rock were revealed as well, as colors of all sorts showed through the places the water had run over so many times.

The beauty was everywhere, and God spoke to me about how the streams of living water flowing through us were just like that. This stream is love rushing over hard hearts, difficult circumstances and places of defeat and discouragement. His love cuts through the rocks, bringing forth joy, beauty and even gentleness. The rocks were no match for the steady faithfulness of the water as it continued to pour over every day.

Living Water

Giving Thanks Before We Receive

Giving Thanks Before We Receive

God is teaching me these days about giving thanks in the “before.” As in, before the answer comes, the change happens and the provision is delivered. We love giving thanks “after” and there’s nothing wrong with that. But when we are able to praise Him before we see any evidence of His work, and simply because we know Him and trust His love for us, this is a different thing entirely. I think there’s also a humility in acknowledging we have no idea how He’s going to work in the situation, and if we are even going to like it. But He is not absent ever, and is always working in the difficulties to bring us closer to Him.

I see examples of this in Jesus giving thanks as He was dividing the fish and loaves to feed the five thousand. He didn’t see evidence in front of Him of how His Father was going to feed all these people, but He believed that’s what He was inviting Him into, and thanked Him in advance. Paul and Silas while in prison in Acts 16 sang praises before they were freed, and really without knowing they would be. They sang first, knowing that their God would take care of them in the best way. Later in Paul’s life, that looked like being in prison for a long time. Why didn’t God provide in the same way? Because He often changes things up, never settling for the same.

Loving Enemies

Loving Enemies

Jesus said some pretty crazy things through the Gospels, and most of them didn’t make sense to any of the people listening at the time. One that really catches us off-guard is when He mentions how our ancestors have been taught to love neighbors and hate those who hate you, but He says to instead love your enemy. That’s nuts! There is nothing in me that wants to love someone who has set themselves against me. And I suppose that’s part of it—I can’t do this on my own.

Most of what Jesus calls us to do is completely impossible on our own. We can’t forgive, we can’t bless those who curse us, we can’t rejoice in trials, we can’t not be afraid. Yet with His Life in ours, He is saying this is possible, and even further, will be true of us as His living water of love gushes out through us to others.

Often when I get mad at someone because they’ve hurt me, or because they’ve hurt someone I love, I want to punish them, reject them and hurt them back. Most of this I suppose I do in my head, not in reality, but the attitude is definitely there.

Wisdom

Wisdom

I have been reading Proverbs the last few months, and God is definitely talking to me about wisdom as I read this book. It is a pretty major theme throughout after all, but I’m seeing it differently than I ever have before. Someone asked me what I thought the difference between wisdom and knowledge was, and I’ve been asking God the same question.

Often we focus on knowledge, gaining information ad nauseum, hoping that enough will allow us to control our environment, to be acceptable to God, to prevent pain. But no matter how much we know, we can’t control our circumstances, we already are acceptable to God (based on His work not ours) and we can’t prevent pain. Now, there’s nothing wrong with knowledge, but I think it is only half the battle.

I would define wisdom as the revelation of God’s perspective on the information we have learned, and His definition of application to our lives. Wisdom, after all, is Jesus Himself. When we recognize we are in Christ and already have all of Him, we also can ask for wisdom at any time, knowing that He will give it. James 1:5 says, “And if anyone longs to be wise, ask God for wisdom and he will give it! He won’t see your lack of wisdom as an opportunity to scold you over your failures but he will overwhelm your failures with his generous grace.

Trust & Fear

Trust & Fear

As I pray and soak in the presence of God these days, often the question that forms in my mind from Him is, “Do you trust me?” And generally my answer is, “Not really. But I want to. Will you help me?” What I’m discovering is that this continued building of trust by Him in my heart is a very slow process, and I feel like I’m moving backwards quite a lot. I know I’m in good company with that as well, so it’s not something that’s shocking to Jesus as He shepherds me.

Some days I feel like there are weights on my feet as I walk this road, and I am realizing it’s not pressure from God for He never demands trust. I get really down when I believe I’ve failed and disappointed Him again. But that’s not His perspective. He always invites—never demands. He doesn’t use condemnation or shame to get me to move the right direction. If any of these voices exist in my head it’s from the enemy, and I must dismiss it as a lie.

Living Water

Living Water

I was recently traveling through western Colorado with my family, and noticed the beauty of the water cutting through rocks everywhere we went. In some places, it became a rushing waterfall, wildly dancing down massive rock walls. In others, it had caressed the rocks so many times it had made them smooth, carving out little bowls and baths along the way. Minerals and varieties of rock were revealed as well, as colors of all sorts showed through the places the water had run over so many times.

The beauty was everywhere, and God spoke to me about how the streams of living water flowing through us were just like that. This stream is love rushing over hard hearts, difficult circumstances and places of defeat and discouragement. His love cuts through the rocks, bringing forth joy, beauty and even gentleness. The rocks were no match for the steady faithfulness of the water as it continued to pour over every day.

Opinions vs. Trust

Opinions vs. Trust

I have been praying a lot recently for God’s voice on matters in my life, rather than relying on my logic or experience. I tend to want to figure something out, thinking that I solve problems by making them make sense. But I have been meditating a lot on Proverbs 3:5-6, and realizing that’s exactly the opposite of what God wants me to do.

The thing is, no matter how much I know or think through something, it often is never going to make sense, and I will be limited in my ideas by my own creativity. If I, instead, trust Him completely and don’t rely on my own opinions, He promises to guide and lead. This isn’t about gathering more information about God, but rather going deeper in intimacy in relationship with Him.

This means that no matter what the situation, you are not limited to your perspective or what you can figure out about it. Rather, we get to rise above the circumstance, and see things from His perspective as we are already seated with Him in the heavenlies (Eph 3:1-2) What seems true right now is only a fraction of the truth, and we get to trust Him to guide us in all truth. He cares deeply for us, and His main goal in this life is that we go deeper in knowing Him—deeper in intimacy with our Father.

Squeezing Out All the Juice

Squeezing Out All the Juice

I have spoken to several people through the years who are staring death in the face. I always want to ask them about it—how do you die well? How do you walk towards what feels like the biggest fear in life? What does God speak to you in those raw and vulnerable moments?  

In the last email I received from my friend Debbie as she was put on hospice care, she said “Lots of emotions, lots of decisions, lots of walking uncharted territory with fear and trembling. But as always our God has proven himself faithful, he has proven himself to be true. It is so amazing to have the privilege of walking this journey. And I never, ever, ever thought I would say that about this cancer journey. God is good.”

That’s right—she just called walking a cancer journey a privilege. My response at the time was to look at my own circumstances and wonder how on earth they were a privilege? If she could see this, though, could I also?

The thing that Debbie understood, and so many others who are teaching me about dying, is that we are always dying physically, and it’s what we do with the life that we have that matters. She chose to count it as a privilege, and to squeeze out every drop of joy and peace from relationship with Jesus in the meantime. She saw the suffering, the pain, the separation as a chance to deeply taste the higher truth of God’s love through it all.

Dark Days

Dark Days

Today has been a hard day. Some days just feel darker, harder to hold on to hope. So much pain and fear threaten to choke me, drowning out the joy and peace. I can’t stop the tears as they pour from my eyes, uncontrollable cracks everywhere as my heart breaks again. Why are we so messy? Where is the hope? Where is the relief?

My body feels as though it might split in half. Fear closes a tight fist around my heart and I can’t breathe. It feels like someone turned out the light in the world, and I’m stumbling in the dark trying not to fall off a cliff.

And then. A little glimmer. I watch my daughter as she turns her face toward the rainstorm and keep playing rather than run for cover. Her smile grows and she is so brave and strong. Her freedom is contagious. She finds joy after a day full of pain and heartache. Light is not gone! She runs soaking wet through the pouring rain to play with her friends.

10 Years of Adventure

10 Years of Adventure

I have recently seen many people posting about what 2016 was like for them, considering it’s 10 years ago now. So, I began to remember what that particular year meant to me.

2016 was a rough year. God was moving me, and I didn’t want to go. I had a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old, and no thoughts whatsoever about starting my own nonprofit and going it alone. I wanted sameness and the legacy I knew, and God was ready to push me into the deep end and show me He could carry me through.

I remember sitting by a fire on a camping trip in Moab with my family, begging God to change it. But also finally settling that if this was the new direction, I would know him more deeply in it. And boy, was that ever true.

I was choosing loss of security as I saw it, loss of the legacy I thought I was to carry, and loss of comfort. I was choosing to burn my future (as I had planned it in my mind) to the ground. And although I didn’t know it yet, I was choosing an adventure that would bless me in ways I could not imagine.

Humility in Love

Humility in Love

Have you ever thought about how loving yourself (which is commanded when Scripture several times says to love your neighbor as yourself) is actually an incredibly humble stance in life? Let me repeat that. Loving yourself is humble.

Here’s why I think so—I think you can only love yourself when you see who Jesus made you to be, and start to accept the love He has for you. Love is demonstrated, and He demonstrates this love all the time. The danger comes when we try to perform or deserve love. We try to measure our worth by what we do or how “good” we are. God doesn’t love us because we have measured up to a standard in some way. In fact, He says we all fell short of the standard. And yet. He still chose to love us.

When we fail over and over, we assume that God will get sick of us sometime. The problem is that He didn’t start with loving us because of our successes. He loved us before we loved Him—before we could see Him as anything but an enemy. He calls to us in love constantly, regardless of our behavior.

Rediscovering Joy Through God's Loving Gaze, by an Anonymous Counselee

Rediscovering Joy Through God's Loving Gaze, by an Anonymous Counselee

I never expected joy to be something I would have to go searching for. I grew up hearing that Christians should be joyful, that joy was something you choose, that joy was the proof that God was near. But somewhere along the way, joy became a word that didn’t feel connected to my actual life. I tried to smile, tried to be grateful, tried to be strong — but inside there was a quiet ache I couldn’t name.

This book was born out of that ache. Out of years of striving. Out of carrying shame without knowing that’s what it was. Out of feeling unseen, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to “choose joy” when everything inside me felt too tired to rise.

But then God met me in a way I didn’t expect — not with instruction, not with pressure, not with disappointment — but with a tender, lifting hand. With a voice that whispered, “Look up… let Me hold your face… let My delight be the truth you see.” It broke something open in me — something I didn’t even realize was still bracing for disappointment, still hiding behind downward eyes, still afraid to be seen.

The Sacrifice of Trust as Worship

The Sacrifice of Trust as Worship

A lot of things have not gone the way I hoped or expected this week, and I found myself frustrated and stressed. Usually when I have those emotions, it’s because I have decided I need to control a situation and I’m realizing that I can’t. I was talking to God about all of it, pouring out my worries, my fears and my feelings with all of it. His response has been similar with many things recently—Do you trust me?

I realize that often I don’t. Trust can actually be a sacrifice, as I’m laying down my plans, my way, my time and my illusion of control in order to receive His peace. What I want is an answer, a solution. But often what He invites me into is placing all of my cares in His hands as He tenderly cares for me. This is trust.

What He began to show me this week is how trusting is part of worship. It is saying that He is God and I am not. It is saying that I trust Him to be who He says He is, and to empower me to be who He made me to be as well. As we walk forward in sorting through the practical problems, we do it together. He never abandons me to just figure it out on my own. I do have to lay down my own way of doing things, though, for the better way He has.

Learning Contentment

Learning Contentment

I have been thinking about how Paul talks about “learning” contentment and being “trained” in the secret of overcoming all things in Philippians 4:11-13. Sometimes I have some sense that I’m supposed to just know how to be content, and then there is much self-criticism when I’m not. But I like Paul’s take on it—we get to learn contentment.

How do we learn it? By being trained in seeing things differently. Jesus keeps reminding us of who He is, His strength and power within us to accomplish anything. He also reminds us of who He has made us to be—conquerors in Him. But we don’t see these truths often when we are covered up by fear, worry, doubt and general discontentment with our lives.

I recently learned the meaning of the word “yadah” in Hebrew. The word means “give thanks” but not in a trite, flippant way. It implies the thrusting of hands up in worship, and is often used when people in the Old Testament are in the middle of a mess. Jonah uses it when in the belly of the whale, David when in danger, and others when they have not seen the victory or deliverance yet. There is a sacrifice that comes with praise, especially when you don’t feel like praising God in the middle of the difficulty.

Being Needy

Being Needy

I was having a moment last week where I finally cried out, saying “I’m so needy!” And God’s response was so gentle—I love needy people.

Dependence is never criticized when it comes to relationship with God. He loves it when we walk in dependence and trust in Him. Sometimes we make ourselves needy for other people or circumstances to change, but this doesn’t bring the desired result. Other people won’t be able to meet our needs, and change in circumstances is only temporary. Instead, we can come to Him when we are weary, heavy-laden and desperate.

He will not receive us with disappointment as we might expect. Instead, He welcomes us with open arms and holds us close to infuse us with rest and peace. God loves to bring us close when we will let Him do so.

God of the Last Minute

God of the Last Minute

God of the last minute, the rushed, the unplanned.
Thank you that you don’t get stressed.
You aren’t wondering how to get through.
You see the whole, and yet know we see only the part. 

Thank you for your patience with me
As I freak out a little and wonder why.
Thank you that you’re always ready
For me to run to your everlasting arms. 

Thank you that I haven’t messed it up--
I know I don’t have that much power.
That you are always bringing reversals
When we least expect or hope for them. 

Life from death, hope from despair,
Flowers from ashes, joy from pain,
Peace from chaos, freedom from chains,
A Shepherd in the valley of the shadow of death. 

He is Faithful

He is Faithful

I started this week with regret. I had such a busy weekend, and didn’t have the prayer time throughout the day that I like to remember. I felt stupid—like I had failed God because I didn’t have conversations with Him over the weekend like I usually do. And I told Him I was sorry. His response was so beautiful—I am always faithful. Just come. Leave regret and guilt behind and come to me. I have never left.

So often I feel my relationship with Jesus depends on my meeting a set of standards and expectations I have for myself. I think that when I fail to meet these, I am failing Him and He might leave me or reject me because I’m not doing enough. That’s an enormous amount of pressure, especially for someone who messes up all the time!

But over and over again in Scripture and in my life, Jesus has proved Himself faithful even when people are faithless. He remains consistent, even when we are angry or rejecting of Him. He remembers us even when we forget.

Identity and Relationship

Identity and Relationship

Some days I feel like a one-string banjo player—I just keep talking about the same thing over and over. But I know that this is what God has equipped me for, and continues to empower through me. My repetition? Your identity in Christ and deepening relationship with Him no matter what the circumstances. Some might question why I keep harping on these things.

Why is your identity in Christ so important? Because most of the stupid choices we make or the things we try to fill our lives with are because we have no idea who we are. We try to make sex our god, using others and letting them use us with no idea of what we are worth outside of physical appearance. We live at the top-level of stress because of a career we believe defines us, all while terrified that we might not have identity without it. Things get really dicey when we retire or lose a job. So many of us are constantly thirsting for acceptance and love, believing if we could just find the right combination of satiation we would be filled up.

Instead, I want to wake people up to who Jesus calls them—beloved, accepted, worthy, known, heard, remembered, complete, lacking nothing, purposeful, forgiven, valued. And all of this is based in who He is, so we can’t mess it up. If you don’t know who you are and have tried to figure it out through all sorts of different means, stop and ask Him right now. He loves to tell His kids how much He adores them.

Learning to Listen

Learning to Listen

When I was in grad school, I had a teacher who taught a class called “Counseling Skills” or something to that effect. I kind of rolled my eyes when I realized I had to take that class, because I had the arrogance to believe I knew how to listen, how to care, and how to communicate compassion already and didn’t need a class to help me. The lesson in humility, though, was not given through the class material itself, but by the professor. This man walked in to talk to a bunch of new students who were all prospective counselors, and approached with such gentleness it stopped me in my illusions of grandeur and made me pay attention.

In thinking back to this kind man, I realize that he taught me how to listen because he actually listened in class. Sure, he taught the lessons, but then he would calmly entertain questions and treat each student with such value and worth that you instantly felt like you mattered—even if your question was really stupid. He never looked like he was trying to come up with an answer while listening, but would take the question with a minute of consideration so he could truly take in everything the person was saying.

I came to find out throughout the semester that this man was dying of cancer. He didn’t tell us, but once in a while when he would have to miss class, the substitute informed us that he would be doing that occasionally when he didn’t feel he could have enough strength to teach. And yet, there was never a demand for respect or honor, but a continued communication of his students’ value as he approached with gentleness. I watched him deteriorate throughout the semester, and attended his funeral the next year after he went to be with Jesus face-to-face. I remember thinking how it must feel for him to be present with the One his soul loved so much, and who had always listened to him.

Kingdom Perspective

Kingdom Perspective

What does it mean to seek first the kingdom of God when you don’t want to get back into performance or legalism? That’s a question I’ve been pondering a lot recently. Jesus says to seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness in Matthew 6, but as with so many things in Scripture, we’ve taken this to mean that we have to generate the Kingdom ourselves and our performance is graded to see how well we are seeking.

The context of the verse is in relation to pursuing or being obsessed with provision—food, clothes, etc. Jesus says instead of being fixated on what you might need or think you need, to run after His reality. This isn’t just in heaven, as in Luke 17:20-21, Jesus says the Kingdom of God is already expanding among some of those around Him. And Romans 14:17-18 says that the Kingdom isn’t a bunch of rules about eating and drinking, but rather the realm of the Holy Spirit. And serving Jesus by walking in the kingdom realities was pleasing to God.

Fearing the Future

Fearing the Future

God has been talking to me a lot about fear this year, as you can probably tell if you’ve read any of my blog posts from the last few months. I have realized that we tend to do one of three things with fear:

1.        Obsess on it, thinking we are protecting ourselves or preventing something from happening by having control (an illusion) and coming up with all the worst-case scenarios. We sometimes believe that knowledge and information will help, but without any power we are devoid of actually keeping our fears at bay and they control us.

2.        Ignore it, believing somehow that if we face it head-on that will bring it into reality. Of course, this is similar to hiding from the monsters under the covers—I might not see them, but it wouldn’t do much in the way of protecting me from anything scary. Denial is just lying to ourselves, believing that we will not have to face anything we fear or anything difficult.

3.        Entrust and release it to God, believing that He can free us from it and allow us to walk through anything because of His strength within us. This isn’t an attempt at control or denial, but rather trusting Jesus to be with us and walk with us through whatever the fear is. He actually can free us from the fear, rather than continuing to spin round and round in it.

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus