Posts
Hannah Morrell
Faithfulness Even Still

My friends in Haiti are isolated from the world again after the gangs fired on a commercial plane and the airport was closed this week. They were ousted from their homes for over a year while fighting raged around them and they went into hiding. They have shown up for teen and preteen kids who are watching their friends die, and who are still healing from their pasts. I am so blown away by their faithfulness.

I speak to several woman who are raising kids while dealing with debilitating illness and chronic pain in themselves. They show up for their families in the ways they can while desperately surviving their own health journeys. I know they often feel like they are failing, like they can’t do what other moms can do. But I stand in awe of their faithfulness to keep showing up.

Faithfulness Even Still
Posts
Hannah Morrell
The Wilderness

Several years ago, my husband and I were camping in Moab, Utah with our one-year-old son. Camping is probably a generous term—we did have a pop-up camper and weren’t really roughing it. We did, however, drive about half an hour outside of town on a dirt road to the middle of nowhere, and then parked the camper at the top of a rocky hill. The views were spectacular, and we would only see another car on the dirt road about once every few hours. It was a little taste of the wilderness, with only us and our little camper. No cell service, no toilets, and no other people around.

This seemed like a fantastic experience until we decided the next day to head back into town to get a few groceries. After piling in the truck, my husband tried to start the vehicle, but it wouldn’t start. The truck’s battery was dead. And the wilderness experience that seemed like a lot of fun became quite scary.

I started to panic, wondering how we would ever get out of there. No cars came by on the road, and it was at least a day’s walk to get back into town with a one-year-old and only so much food for camping. Finally after a bit of worry, my husband brilliantly figured out that he could use the camper batteries to jump the truck battery, and we were finally moving again.

But what about the figurative wildernesses in which we find ourselves where we can’t figure a way out, and we sit and wait with no resources and no hope? Wildernesses are a real experience in life, and one which often catches us by surprise. I’m not sure why, as so many of the people in the Bible went through years and years of wilderness, sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal. There are stories of prison, hardships, desert-living, wandering, frustration, hopelessness, disbursement and aching for home.

The Wilderness
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

Why I Choose Jesus
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Walking Like a Superhero

There’s a little boy I see every morning when I’m dropping my daughter off at school. He comes to help drop off his older brother, and always shows up in his Superman pajamas complete with cape. The thing that always strikes me as hilarious is how he walks next to his dad. He’s this tiny little man, but walks like he is 10 feet tall—he definitely has the superhero walk down. His cape flows behind him, and he takes large, commanding steps no matter where he is going.

I love watching him and it makes me giggle a little to watch him stride through the parking lot. This morning, though, God spoke and asked me how I would walk if I knew and believed the super power that dwells within me? That caught me off guard. You see, I used to always walk with my eyes on my shoes (which might explain some of my clumsiness). I didn’t feel that I had worth, and I walked like it. I didn’t understand Who I had, or who I was.

You see, when you have Christ’s Life within you, you have the power of the Living God walking around with you. He says He will be everything you need, and we have all of Him to meet all of our problems, dilemmas and circumstances. I think when I realize that I am the chosen dwelling place of God Himself (1 Corinthians 6:19), and that makes me His.

Walking Like a Superhero
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Cry of the Broken-Hearted

We cry out from a broken heart,
Shards lying all around us on the ground.
Our tears pour out—
It feels like they will never end.

The pain explodes from within us,
Our chests feeling like they will break apart.
Lying face down on the ground,
Our desperate plea for help and rescue escaping our lips.

Our Kind Shepherd is here,
Never leaving, never abandoning us in grief.
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief Himself,
He will not turn away.

Cry of the Broken-Hearted

Posts

Faithfulness Even Still

Faithfulness Even Still

My friends in Haiti are isolated from the world again after the gangs fired on a commercial plane and the airport was closed this week. They were ousted from their homes for over a year while fighting raged around them and they went into hiding. They have shown up for teen and preteen kids who are watching their friends die, and who are still healing from their pasts. I am so blown away by their faithfulness.

I speak to several woman who are raising kids while dealing with debilitating illness and chronic pain in themselves. They show up for their families in the ways they can while desperately surviving their own health journeys. I know they often feel like they are failing, like they can’t do what other moms can do. But I stand in awe of their faithfulness to keep showing up.

The Wilderness

The Wilderness

Several years ago, my husband and I were camping in Moab, Utah with our one-year-old son. Camping is probably a generous term—we did have a pop-up camper and weren’t really roughing it. We did, however, drive about half an hour outside of town on a dirt road to the middle of nowhere, and then parked the camper at the top of a rocky hill. The views were spectacular, and we would only see another car on the dirt road about once every few hours. It was a little taste of the wilderness, with only us and our little camper. No cell service, no toilets, and no other people around.

This seemed like a fantastic experience until we decided the next day to head back into town to get a few groceries. After piling in the truck, my husband tried to start the vehicle, but it wouldn’t start. The truck’s battery was dead. And the wilderness experience that seemed like a lot of fun became quite scary.

I started to panic, wondering how we would ever get out of there. No cars came by on the road, and it was at least a day’s walk to get back into town with a one-year-old and only so much food for camping. Finally after a bit of worry, my husband brilliantly figured out that he could use the camper batteries to jump the truck battery, and we were finally moving again.

But what about the figurative wildernesses in which we find ourselves where we can’t figure a way out, and we sit and wait with no resources and no hope? Wildernesses are a real experience in life, and one which often catches us by surprise. I’m not sure why, as so many of the people in the Bible went through years and years of wilderness, sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal. There are stories of prison, hardships, desert-living, wandering, frustration, hopelessness, disbursement and aching for home.

Why I Choose Jesus

Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

Walking Like a Superhero

Walking Like a Superhero

There’s a little boy I see every morning when I’m dropping my daughter off at school. He comes to help drop off his older brother, and always shows up in his Superman pajamas complete with cape. The thing that always strikes me as hilarious is how he walks next to his dad. He’s this tiny little man, but walks like he is 10 feet tall—he definitely has the superhero walk down. His cape flows behind him, and he takes large, commanding steps no matter where he is going.

I love watching him and it makes me giggle a little to watch him stride through the parking lot. This morning, though, God spoke and asked me how I would walk if I knew and believed the super power that dwells within me? That caught me off guard. You see, I used to always walk with my eyes on my shoes (which might explain some of my clumsiness). I didn’t feel that I had worth, and I walked like it. I didn’t understand Who I had, or who I was.

You see, when you have Christ’s Life within you, you have the power of the Living God walking around with you. He says He will be everything you need, and we have all of Him to meet all of our problems, dilemmas and circumstances. I think when I realize that I am the chosen dwelling place of God Himself (1 Corinthians 6:19), and that makes me His.

Cry of the Broken-Hearted

Cry of the Broken-Hearted

We cry out from a broken heart,
Shards lying all around us on the ground.
Our tears pour out—
It feels like they will never end.

The pain explodes from within us,
Our chests feeling like they will break apart.
Lying face down on the ground,
Our desperate plea for help and rescue escaping our lips.

Our Kind Shepherd is here,
Never leaving, never abandoning us in grief.
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief Himself,
He will not turn away.

The Powerful Force of Hope

The Powerful Force of Hope

Hope is often viewed as a destination—like saying we hope for the future, and believing we get the hope when we arrive at the future we are expecting or creating in our minds. We believe that our lives should “normalize” or the tough stuff should stop happening at some point, and that’s the point where hope is manifested.

I was reading Katherine Wolf’s Treasures in the Dark recently, and she addresses this after she has suffered an almost-life-ending stroke, multiple neural events, broken bones and recovery from all of those things. She says:

Whether I acknowledged it or not, hope had been a destination to me. Something to be attained or achieved. I thought I could successfully complete a one-time progressive ascent from hurting to healing to hoping, then hang out at the top for the rest of my life. Easy breezy! Maybe this sounds like something you’ve believed too. 

Joy in Times of Trouble

Joy in Times of Trouble

I have noticed in my own life that I will look at circumstances as “bad” or “good” depending on the outcome and how I feel about it. Especially recently, though, I have been challenged to look for the good in every situation—to find God in it. This doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily happy or comfortable in whatever is surrounding me, but I want to push through that discomfort to see what God has for me. I do believe there is always beauty that He can bring from ashes, that He is always bringing good even out of really yucky stuff. This doesn’t mean that He causes the yucky stuff or that we change the suffering by positive thinking, and I think that’s sometimes where we get tripped up. We don’t believe a god of love could watch us go through difficult things because that’s not loving—but perhaps the most loving thing to do is to allow the difficult things but still to bring hope and joy in the middle.

I just finished reading The Watchmaker’s Daughter, a newer book about Corrie ten Boom’s life during and after World War 2. If you know me, you know that Corrie is one of my heroes, so a new book about her life was right up my alley. One of the themes that comes through repeatedly is the way the ten Boom family all tried to find joy and hope in extremely dire situations. Whether hiding Jews and working with the underground, enduring prison, or dealing with the torture and horrific conditions in a concentration camp, they all realized their relationship with God got them through and allowed them to see the good in terrible situations. Her sister Betsie, who died while in the concentration camp, told her sister Corrie that people would listen to them because they had been through such awful conditions. And the message was clear—no matter how deep and dark the pit in which they found themselves, God’s love was deeper still and carried them through. Corrie went on to travel the world speaking about forgiveness and God’s love, and she had earned her place to do so as she worked with communities who were forsaken and abandoned by all other help.

Dismissing Distractions

Dismissing Distractions

Every day a thousand things clamor for our attention, yelling to us about how important they are. Almost everyone in our lives are happy to tell us what should matter to us, what our focus should be. We can so easily live distracted, which also means we live exhausted as we get judged from every side about what should be our primary focus and how to make it so.

I have been rejected and beat up by religious people more than nonreligious. I know it’s because they have decided that the religion they hold is what’s saving them, what’s making God happy and they are terrified I’m doing it wrong. I have often said (as my mentor and friend Mike Wells taught me to do) that I will say things that are wrong, even downright blasphemy. God will allow this because He wants to draw people to Himself, not to follow me. It also keeps me in a place where I know my weakness, and I know I need Holy Spirit to interpret the very words that come out my mouth or my laptop.  He is the great interpreter, and He is able to translate and speak through whatever is said to bring His message to the person.

I will be the first to state that I can get it wrong, and I never want to stand up as someone who has all the answers. Because I don’t. All I have to offer is Jesus—a Life who gently invades our hearts and heals us from brokenness. I don’t want to get distracted by whatever program or theology someone has decided is preeminent. I want to be the person with the one-stringed banjo who keeps playing that one string over and over, because it’s the only string that matters to me. There are days often where people accuse me of being affiliated with all sorts of broken people. Isn’t that funny? We are all broken, but have arguments about who is more broken and judge and condemn others to try to make ourselves feel superior.

Freedom in Love

Freedom in Love

Especially around holidays like July 4th in the United States, I think of all the sacrifices that have been made over the years for our freedom to do all the things we are able to do. No, the United States is not perfect, but we do enjoy much freedom that so many other countries do not. I get teary often as I think of others laying down their lives for complete strangers to them. I could never deserve or earn that gift. This thought always leads me to an even bigger sacrifice of love in which God engaged to free us from slavery to sin and death.

I was reading Titus (which I honestly haven’t read in quite a long time) and found this gem of a few verses that stood out. Apparently this is believed to be a part of an early church hymn or poem, and it sums up the story so beautifully.

When the extraordinary compassion of God our Savior and his overpowering love suddenly appeared in person as the brightness of a dawning day, he came to save us. Not because of any virtuous deed that we have done but only because of his extravagant mercy. He saved us, resurrecting us through the washing of rebirth. We are made completely new by the Holy Spirit, whom he splashed over us richly by Jesus, the Messiah, our Life Giver. So as a gift of his love, and since we are faultless—innocent before his face—we can now become heirs of all things, all because of an overflowing hope of eternal life. How true and faithful is this message! Titus 3:4-8

In this passage, the whole Trinity—Father, Son and Spirit—are involved in this great rescue plan. I love that this idea was birthed in extraordinary compassion and overpowering love. This was not motivated by guilt or fear or duty. God wanted relationship with us, and that love reached out to save us, no matter what that cost.

We can’t deserve or earn this sacrifice because we can’t be virtuous enough to earn it. Instead, He had extravagant mercy and saved us, birthing us again as a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). We have been made new, and are being made new. I think this refers to the renewing of the mind and sanctifying us that happens by the Holy Spirit’s work in us. We are new creations through Christ’s sacrifice and blood, and now we are constantly being freed from sin’s effects and control through the Holy Spirit’s constant splashing on us.

Birds and Pavers

Birds and Pavers

One of my favorite parts of summer mornings is sitting out on our back patio with my coffee before my kids get up, enjoying the bird songs and the smell of the flowers as they bloom. This particular morning, however, was a bit different because they had decided to repave the street that runs behind our house past the neighbors’ houses. The only thing I could hear or enjoy this morning was big rumbling trucks and beeping pavers, while the smell of asphalt permeated the air. I was less than impressed. I am grateful for the road refreshing, but couldn’t hear any birds or smell the flowers that I usually so enjoy.

As I sat there, I suddenly realized that the birds were still there, and still singing, but it was hard to make out their songs because of all the mechanical noise. I originally thought they were all gone—headed to somewhere more peaceful and less noisy. I could just barely make out a few songs, though, and was surprised to hear them. And I thought about how often distraction and confusion are the greatest tools of the enemy (along with shame of course) as they make us believe that maybe God has left.

When there are big, smelly, loud problems in our lives, it’s very easy to focus on them and feel as if hope and joy have gone. Anything from financial stress to health problems to relationship issues can be the things that demand our attention in the worst possible way—being louder in our heads and more all-consuming than anything else. I’m not for a minute arguing that they aren’t big, smelly and loud. That’s why they are so distracting. But I do want to fight for focus as I listen for the bird songs and get up close to the flowers so I don’t forget how they smell.

The truth of God’s presence is still there, but sometimes it’s really hard to see or hear Him. Sometimes it feels like we are surrounded by yucky things and are staring down the path of scary, awful futures. It’s in those times that I most need to refocus and ask for the ability to see and hear Jesus standing with me. He never leaves, but I can convince myself that He does. He never checks out, but I can feel as though He probably should. He never gives up on us, but I can give you all the reasons He really ought to.

Breaking Free From Religion

Breaking Free From Religion

You may think that living the Christian life is either extremely boring, or nearly impossible. Waves of guilt and shame combine with a constant feeling of inadequacy to create a life of judgement and self-condemnation. At every turn, you encounter another reason that you don’t measure up or need to be doing more. You obsess on what you see as your failures and think that this mental self-mutilation will somehow make a difference next time. You heart lays bleeding and torn after you’ve beaten yourself with all the messages you have received throughout life from those who have done you wrong. Comparison and self-righteousness hasn’t provided any relief, and you just want something real. Yuck!

I hope, in the pages to come, to show you the contrast of this outlook with the life I believe Jesus intended us to live when He died for us in the in the first place: a life of joy and overflowing love that fills us up with acceptance and belonging. That acceptance and belonging then spill over to those around us as mercy and grace pouring out over every step.

The Christian life doesn’t require us to do more or be more; rather, it provides an exchange of our junk for God’s perfection, strength and peace that allows us to live in a completely differently. This life is about rest, not more striving. It is about love and belonging, not more rejection. It is about being able to live in the impossible while accessing the strength of the God of the universe to move forward. It is about living in the faith of Jesus, rather than condemning ourselves for not being able to drum up enough faith on our own.

God created us for relationship, first with Himself and then with other people. But these relationships often bring trouble as pain and discouragement result from their messiness. Relationship, in its proper place, provides the foundation for living. The order must be right, though, for us to enjoy it. Relationship with God is the basis for love, acceptance, rest, peace, joy, and everything else we need to live. Relationship with humans can be wonderful, but it must follow a relationship with God in order for us not to be mangled and torn up by the crazy humans we encounter through life.

Throwing Off Shame

Throwing Off Shame

Have you ever considered that when you condemn yourself for something, you are saying that the blood of Jesus wasn’t enough? And when you take on and wear shame, you are saying Jesus’ sacrifice didn’t cover this particular thing for which you feel shame? Unfortunately, several religious communities have preached with great conviction that we must earn the love of God by good works and avoiding the bad stuff. But I don’t believe that is Scriptural or true.

The love of God was demonstrated when He sent Jesus to die for us, even while we hated Him, didn’t know Him, and didn’t care to. The one sacrifice Jesus made took on all the bad stuff—there is nothing that is too much or wasn’t covered at that point—past, present and future. If there was, Jesus would have to die over and over again to cover it.

When we agree with condemnation, we are negating Jesus’ death and resurrection. We are saying it is not enough, and I must really beat up on myself before I can be stamped “approved” by God. I must wallow in self-pity, in condemnation and in shame in order to earn God’s love. Yuck.

Priceless Treasure

Priceless Treasure

One of the most often repeated lies people share with me in terms of what they think about themselves is that they are worthless. This has been communicated by various people in their lives, or by their own definition time and time again. Sometimes they feel they should be at a different place in their lives and that would give worth. Sometimes they believe if they had worked hard enough to make people like them that this would give them worth. Sometimes they have been told that their only worth lies in their being used for whatever purpose the user desires, and that they will lose worth if they stop allowing someone to use them.

Worth is not transactional. It is not given when we earn it. A person doesn’t gain worth the more they achieve, relate to others, or give. Some people try to convince themselves they have worth, but it is usually based in something they have to believe about themselves. When someone communicates they are not worth their time, the façade is gone and we struggle to believe we have worth apart from what others communicate.

When we experience rejection while trying to find someone to communicate worth, any sense of having worth is obliterated as we have placed the definition on a person or place in this world. It is gut-wrenching, and feels like death.

God of the Storm

God of the Storm

We had a crazy windstorm last week with almost 24 hours of intense wind gusts and the resulting damages—trees falling, fences knocked down, various lawn chairs and trampolines blown away. I’ve never been through a hurricane on the coast, and I realized what people talk about with the sheer noise wind can create. My husband had to wear earplugs to sleep, and the howling and crashing went on all night.

At some point during the night, I woke up and listened to the wind for a bit while lying in bed. It dawned on me that this was what the disciples felt when they were out in the boat with Jesus, except they were on a boat tossed by the waves rather than a warm bed in a safe house. I imagined the fear and panic that would govern in a situation like that. They were pretty sure they were going to die out there in that storm.

Jesus had been teaching about faith prior to this story told in Mark 4. When the storm comes up, he is SLEEPING. This makes no sense to us when we don’t realize that God is enough in a storm, but Jesus knew His Father was watching out for Him and didn’t need to worry or stress about anything.

God's Love

God's Love

God loves you. That phrase has gotten trite and feels shallow sometimes. And yet, it is anything but trite and shallow. While we hated, mocked, spat on Him, God loves us. While we ran from Him and fought any call of His to come to Him, God loves us. While we rebelled and invited more and more darkness into ourselves, God loves us. While the selfishness took over to distort us into maniacal narcissists, God loves us. While we postured in false humility and rode ego trips for our “good” deeds, God loves us.

God reached through the darkness with which we had surrounded ourselves, calling our names and extending His hand to pull us out of the pit. We didn’t know Him, but He knew us. He knew every bit of us and still chose to love us. He loved us to death, and to resurrection in power. Jesus walked the road of ultimate sacrifice, knowing what was in each of us and how we chose our own way. He looked past it and loved anyway. He never stops loving. We simply need to accept the love.

Being a Snail

Being a Snail

I have been thinking about how cool it is that we take a safe place with us no matter where we go. We are similar to snails—they carry their home on their backs, ready to pull into a shell whenever things get scary. The difference is that our safe place is within, and we can access it any time without physically moving. God no longer dwells in a temple made with hands, but in His people. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) He has given us His Spirit, and His very Life within.  

We are in Christ, and Christ is in us. We contain the wrap-around presence of God within us all the time. It’s kind of a cool picture, isn’t it? We carry Him, and He wraps around us and shelters us as well. So many things with God’s kingdom are both/and. His Life is in us, and we are in Him.

Breathe & Rest

Breathe & Rest

You don’t have to keep running.
You don’t have to keep fighting.
You don’t have to keep searching for the “cure.”
You don’t have to keep trying.

I know you are tired,
And ache for something more.
I know you just want to sit down,
Letting the weight you’re carrying fall.

The idea that you will get a place
Where it makes sense to rest
Is a fallacy and will continue to drive you
Crazy and exhausted and weary.

Expecting the Unexpected

Expecting the Unexpected

Have you ever noticed how backwards Jesus’ way of doing life is compared to how most of our cultures and worldviews communicate it should be? The first shall be last. The foolish will confound the wise. Weakness is required for strength.

I love how when Jesus walked the earth, He did everything in a way that was unexpected. He didn’t come as a war hero who was going to break off the rule of Rome from Israel, but rather a humble baby who grew up to work as a carpenter and then travel as a poor teacher. He didn’t lead a conquering army into Jerusalem but rode a donkey and submitted to death on purpose. Jesus didn’t brush shoulders with the religious elite, but instead went to find the hurting, the sick, the demon-possessed, the lost and the rejected. His followers were not great minds or incredibly pious people, but fisherman, tax collectors, prostitutes, and those who belonged to a disrespected class.

Isn’t it interesting, then, that so many who claim Jesus as Lord seek wealth, power over others, status and use manipulation, spiritual abuse and evil to try to gain it? This was never His way and continues to be an affront to His Life when His name is claimed in this awfulness.

The most impacting people in my life have not been the showy, “important” spiritual leaders, but rather those who lead in humility, with love and grace extended over and over. One of these was a pastor who just died, and in remembering him and his kindness to me, I was amazed at the tenderness God displays to us through people who are willing to be humble and go where He sends them. This pastor was willing to lead a tiny church of rejects who met in the basement of a coffee shop each week, and teach that messy bunch to do family and Church in a way we had never experienced before. He wasn’t famous, or rich or leading the helm of a powerful group of people. This man saw people as they were, not as they were posturing to be, and offered kindness. He was called to a humble walk, and did it with eagerness.

Dealing With Insecurity

Dealing With Insecurity

As I prayed through our theme for the annual women’s retreat this year, my first thought was “Walking with the Shepherd”. My second thought was, “How stupid is that—how many people have done Psalm 23, sheep, shepherd, the whole thing. Been there, done that.” The voice of criticism and accusation came quickly, and I almost scrapped the whole thing because of it.

Insecurity and doubt are companions of mine quite frequently, especially when it comes to creativity and leadership. I think of all the people who could do such a better job at whatever it is than I could, all the work that will go into the thing and how inadequate I am for it, or how no one should ever follow me anywhere because I’m lost most of the time anyway!

But then, Jesus faithfully reminds me that we aren’t relying on my ability, but His. He works well through my uniqueness when it is surrendered to Him and the power He brings to the situation. When I first started counseling again after my mentor Mike Wells died, the first thing anyone said in sitting down with me was how they wished it was Mike sitting there and not me. My response inside my heart was, “You and me both!” I felt there was no chance of being the counselor or discipler that the person needed because I was not Mike.

Deep Roots

Deep Roots

When we look to the world and the circumstances around us, we can easily get discouraged and frustrated. It may seem like we are alone in trusting God, and it’s quite ludicrous to do so. I also get discouraged in trying find something to do to change the circumstances, as I feel that’s often quite limited and unproductive. When we feel stuck or like everything is going wrong, our initial response is often to run away, or to try to change the circumstance. 

I like Jeremiah’s metaphor when he is told by God that those who trust in Him alone are like a tree planted by the river, with roots that go so deep into water that it doesn’t fear drought or heat. It has no anxieties. Well, a tree can’t get up and move, so that isn’t necessarily what it means to find happiness in trusting God. Instead, a tree’s roots go deep into the sustenance and water it needs to continue to make leaves and fruit.

Deep roots which grow into a River of Life—that’s what I need to get through the hardships of life. When I see a problem and turn away to Jesus, I acknowledge that He alone is trustworthy. Not my strength (or lack thereof), not my brains, not my friendships. In trusting Him to continue to get me through, I also remember that He often does these things in the face of seeming impossibility. What He calls me to sit in might seem so overwhelming. But with deep roots growing into a constantly flowing River of Life, I have what I need for the day.

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus