Sometimes people question my slight obsession with teaching people to differentiate between lies and truth when it comes to identity messages. I am, indeed, very focused on doing this because I believe it makes such a difference in how you live life.
I think most of the identity messages we have received that really derail our lives are the negative ones like being a failure, unworthy, unloved, invisible, or rejected. These identity messages become part of who we really believe we are, most of the time because we are trying to get needs met in people when only God can really meet those basic needs. Some of these needs are love, acceptance, value and worth. When we go to a person or people to try to get satisfaction of these, we end up not getting what we wanted and often getting the opposite instead.
Of course, as humans we tend to go to humans first to try to have someone tell us we are ok, and to tell us who we are. When we get responses that are painful and rejecting, we tend to believe them and try to prove them wrong or fix ourselves so we don’t believe they are really true. Unfortunately, though, people are never going to be able to really give us unconditional love, true acceptance, and a communication of worth like we desire deeply. When we realize this, we can actually go to Jesus to get the truth and change our perspective and our source for life.
When someone has told you that you are a reject, for instance, you can try to find someone else to accept you, try harder with the person who has rejected you or push away from everyone in your life in order to try to avoid pain. If, however, we acknowledge that as a new creation in Christ we have a completely new identity, we start to take only what He gives us as truth about ourselves. So, you are completely accepted in Christ, and He will never leave you or forsake you. He will never turn away from you. This is not because your behavior has finally been good enough for acceptance, for Jesus died for us while we were His enemies. Instead, your acceptance is based on your new life and identity in Jesus. Your old self has been crucified with Christ (Gal 2:20) so only what is true about your new life is now true. The lies of the past no longer own us.
This is easier to say than to believe or put into practice in our lives, but as we exercise the muscle of focus and recognize the lies as lies, we can completely change the way we see ourselves and God. Sometimes we want to work on behavior first, but I think we get the order wrong when we do this. First comes the heart, then behavior comes from the heart. If you believe you are rejected, you will act like a reject. If you believe you are accepted, you will act like a chosen one. Behavior shifts then because the way of living as a reject doesn’t suit you anymore.
As you identify the lies you have believed about yourself, and recognize them as lies, I would encourage you to start to ask God for the truth. He wants you to know the truth, and speaks this to you all the time. We are so used to going to sources other than Him, though, for our identity, and it is a switch for us to ask the God who made us, freed us and redeemed us to tell us who we are instead.
Examine the identity messages you have been given throughout your life, especially the ones you tend to believe whenever you experience pain. Ask God to give you the truth of who He has made you to be, replacing the lies with the truth of His Word. You are a beloved, treasured, accepted, valued and important one to Him, and believing that will change your life.
Now, if anyone is enfolded into Christ, he has become an entirely new creation. All that is related to the old order has vanished. Behold everything is fresh and new. 2 Corinthians 5:17