Someone recently asked me what I told people with body image issues, and those who obsess on their physical flaws. This is a very common problem. People define beauty by a certain cultural standard and then measure their own physical appearance by that standard, and usually can find a lot lacking. In this process, they can often even create problems that aren't there, and thus twist their mind to see an unreal perspective. When they look in the mirror, they don't see an accurate reflection of what's there--they see a distortion played out by their brain.Some have enough issues in just recognizing the flaws that are there in reality. We've all got something that counts against us in the appearance department if we want to let the cultural standard define us. And we can become obsessed with noticing it and beating up on it in an attempt to change it and make ourselves "better" somehow.Of course, these obsessions often lead to coping in really unhealthy ways like eating disorders, overeating and other ways of punishing the body for being the way it is. I understand these because I have walked through them myself, and I know what incredibly demanding taskmasters they can be.We often try to deal with these problems in one of two ways. We over-focus on them to try to get rid of them, which I find seldom really gets rid of the problem. Or we (and often Christians tend toward this option) try to beat ourselves up to punish it out of us. Either way, we end up worshipping at the feet of the altar of self again.Here’s what I suggest instead:
Acknowledge you are living according to a lie. Your perspective about yourself is all messed up, and so you can’t trust it to tell you the truth. It’s similar to those who have struggled with an eating disorder and can no longer trust their bodies to tell them when they are hungry—they have trained the body to do something, and now cannot rely on it to operate from the truth. If you continue to insist your perception of your body is correct, you will keep trying to do things to “fix” it rather than realizing the standard is flawed and can’t be used as a measure.
Look at the standards of beauty in other cultures and recognize the transient nature of such standards. I find this fascinating as some people groups consider very heavy people to be most attractive, some like a stretched-out lower lip with a disc inserted in it, and some find very elongated necks to be just right. We often get very stuck in the Western Northern Hemisphere’s interpretation of beauty—which I’m convinced the culture doesn’t even understand. The problem with this standard is not just that it’s near impossible to achieve, but that I’ve had models in my office who have achieved it and are still unhappy and stuck on their physical flaws. Getting to the ridiculous standard of beauty set forth by the media, family history and other means of propaganda is not the answer. It does not solve the problem.
Change your focus. All of us use idols to cope with life. Idols are anything we run to under stress or pressure other than Jesus. The way to deal with these idols is not to beat ourselves up for running to them, for we either run to them all the more or develop new ones. Instead, we recognize we don’t need them anymore (because we have all we need to deal with life as we abide in the Vine of Jesus) and change our focus to the truth. The truth is that we are not going to be achieving anything or producing anything by being the thinnest, most beautiful, most fit or least aged person. And the truth is that we are loved just as we are, and called to a fulfillment that goes so much deeper than the skin. Let’s move out of the physical obsession and into the spirit, where we encounter Jesus and need nothing else.
Find something to set your mind on when you are moving your focus from this obsession. We want to tell ourselves to stop thinking about it, but that rarely works. Focus must be shifted rather than just stopped. So, what can you put your focus on? I find gratitude and thanking God for some small things gets that focus shifted. Or praying for others. This moves our brain to something else which allows the obsession to drop off more and more.
Look to Jesus’ Life for love for others as well, not a judgment of them for not meeting the fleeting standard. You can’t love others while you are obsessing on yourself, and more often than not, you are beating up on them as much as yourself in your mind. Ask God for His perspective on people—on you and on others.
I have met some old, wizened ladies over the years who have wrinkles, extra weight and health problems. But they have eyes that sparkle with the clarity of knowing Jesus, and they chose to love me well in my youth. They saw past my obsessions, my flaws and my insecurities with the eyes of God’s truth and love. They recognized my youth was not a trophy to keep safe, but was just the time and the time would pass to something else. I hope one day to be like those sweet ladies who really loved well and didn’t count obsession with themselves as a thing to be continued but moved past it. I want to know Jesus as my keeper, and not trust in my appearance as my god. The idol of obsession with the physical body provides for us what any idol does—nothing but a block of dead wood.