Of the many topics I can write about in this blog, this one made me cringe more than most. I am so grateful for the freedom God has brought me in some areas of my own addiction to pleasing others (or at least trying really hard to do so). But the way we learn to be free from this is to have people not be happy with us, or to be in a place where we can’t get acceptance no matter what we do. And as an expert people-pleaser, this meant that I had to be rejected a lot before I was willing to even entertain the idea that I needed to get my acceptance from only one being in my life—Jesus. Some of us are taught this art of making everybody happy, and for others it comes naturally through personality. But each of us has to come to a place of acknowledging that keeping everyone happy is first, completely impossible and second, not our job. Even in writing those words, I feel my flesh rise up to want to argue it. Maybe if I just tried a little harder, then everyone would be ok with me. Maybe if I just performed a little more, then I could feel as though I had played an adequate god in everyone’s lives. But that’s just it. I’m not a very good god.In laying down the idol of people-pleasing, I have to admit that I’m not God and that I don’t know what would be best for people around me. Only He knows that because only He knows what will put them in the best place to know Him. His priority is not happiness or comfort—it’s relationship with Him. And He knows that whatever happiness or comfort we try to attain is pretty shallow compared to that which we have in relationship with Him. So, it really is all about loving us.Often we confuse love with an attempt to be accepted. We think love always looks like the same behavior. But in studying Jesus’ Life one earth, I see Him loving by becoming a baby, by teaching people, by healing people who thanked Him and didn’t thank Him, by driving people out of the temple in anger, by calling people out in their lack of faith, by forgiving those who betrayed Him and so many other ways. And all of this was love. So, how on earth can I stand in my own lack of knowledge and determine that I always know what love looks like for others? I believe love for others comes out of the overflowing abundance of the love of Christ in us. And as it comes pouring out, I might be brave and speak when I would normally want to keep quiet and not rock the boat. Or I might be quiet and not call someone out because it isn’t time and wouldn’t be received in a productive way. So many opposites all from one love!The hinge point, then, becomes my connection to Jesus. As I look to Him, He will lead me as my Shepherd and direct how I go about my day. He will love those around me through me in a way I could never perceive to do because He sees their hearts and knows what they need. And if I don’t need acceptance from people because I have found complete acceptance in my Heavenly Father, then I can approach people with no need and no desire to take from them. I can just enjoy them and love them as God brings.Oh, Father, continue to free me from the torture of trying to appease everyone around me rather than love them. Thank you that as my focus is on You, I don’t need anyone to complete me. I am complete in You. Thank you that Your love, then, can really be broadcast freely to those You bring, and I can walk forward with nothing hindering.
Beloved friends, what should be our proper response to God’s marvelous mercies? I encourage you to surrender yourselves to God to be his sacred, living sacrifices. And live in holiness, experiencing all that delights his heart. For this becomes your genuine expression of worship. Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes. Romans 12:1-2 TPT