One of the most important things that Mike Wells ever told me was that success or failure wasn’t up to me, so I shouldn’t wear it. Every year that goes by, more and more of what that means is revealed to me. Most recently, I have realized that whenever I get weary with my work, it is because I have determined my worth by how people react or change.
Don’t get me wrong—it is amazing when God does a work in someone and they come back from the depression, anxiety, addictions or whatever the dark place has been for them. I see it often, and I love to be a part of the incredible work Jesus does in these people’s lives.
But then there are some who don’t seem to be moving. That can be so tough for me, but only when I determine my ministry by the outcome.
God hasn’t called me to fix people. He hasn’t called me to have incredible outcomes of being the catalyst for change in many lives. He has called me to love people. I love them through counseling and discipleship. But whether or not I love them is not determined by them achieving certain standards or even going the right direction as I see it.
I was reminded recently by a book about a missionary in China that I read in which she realized that many she worked with went back to drugs or the gang lifestyle from which Jesus had freed them. There were also many who pursued God and radically changed their communities. But she saw that she couldn’t determine the calling of God based on the perceived outcome.
I am called to love—not to results. This has to be empowered by Christ’s Life within, as I can’t keep loving when I don’t see change. He can, though, and does it all day every day. I can keep showing up when I realize I don’t get to determine my success or failure—He can only do that. If He has called me to love and I show up to love, then I am right where He wants me.
In this way, ministry is my place of growth. I must be on my face before God so often in my need and my dependence. And you also have a place of growth. It may not feel very good. But, in order to make things grow in the soil of my garden, I have to churn it up, put compost and manure in the dirt, and generally make the garden beds uncomfortable for a while. I was looking out at my garden the other day, laying quiet and dormant, and saw that only in the churning up and turmoil can something be grown there.
I am willing for this growth in me to take place because I love God. He has wooed me and cared for me, showing His love for me over and over even when I had no time for Him. He has drawn me to a love that isn’t forced, but flows out with such sweetness that it catches me off guard. He has created this in me, and the more I know Him, the more I love Him. This is a natural progression of a relationship developing. The depth of love grows with the togetherness and the revelation of His love for me.
Are you determining your calling by the outcome? Are you trying to determine your worth by your perceived success or failure? I get it—I do it too. But I wonder if you were to back everything up to the simplicity of loving and being empowered supernaturally to do that loving, would that bring relief? No agenda. Just love. Pretty revolutionary stuff. Who is God calling you to love with no agenda?
You are to love the Lord Yahweh, your God, with a passionate heart, from the depths of your soul, with your every thought, and with all your strength. This is the great and supreme commandment. And the second is this: ‘You must love your neighbor in the same way you love yourself.’ You will never find a greater commandment than these. Mark 12:30-31