This morning I realized one minute before we walked out the door for school drop-off that it’s “50’s Day” at school. And I have nothing to make my son look “50’s” at all. He tried to be gracious about it, and for that I’m thankful. But his disappointed look made me run smack into the wall of my own desire for perfectionism in all things. My standard for myself was not met.
I hate disappointing people. In the scheme of things, this was not a big deal, but my head starts spinning out on all the ways I’ve failed everyone in my life recently or in years past. And that, my friend, is a bad place for me. I compare myself with the other moms on Facebook or Instagram that do amazing things. And I forget that’s not who I’m supposed to be. They are being exactly who they are supposed to be—they are shining in their own creative place. But mine is different, and that’s ok.
I read a book several years ago (I believe it was Just Show Up, by Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn) that reminded me not everyone is supposed to be good at everything. Some people are amazing decorators, some fantastic cooks, some a total blast to hang out with, and others the best researchers. And we aren’t supposed to be all of those at the same time. We get to figure out what we are created to be and do, and enjoy those to the fullest.
If we can let some of the expectations of ourselves go, we are much more free to love others in the way in which we are gifted. But if we allow the pressure of trying to be great at all things, we are too tired to do anything well.
I think we often miss that our standard has become higher than God’s standard for us. God’s standard is not that we perform perfectly, never mess up and always say yes to everything that’s asked of us—all while being a perfect wife, mother, hostess, friend and employee. Instead, His standard is “apart from me, you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) You’ve already reached the standard! The good works that flow from faith are not to come from our own strength as a source. Instead, they are to flow from trusting Jesus to be all we need.
We are already well-pleasing to Him—we don’t need to earn that. We are already loved by Him—we don’t need to perform to gain it. We can let go of trying to gain something we already have.
As I recognize His strength in me, I might bring someone a meal, spend time listening to a friend in trouble, play with my kids, hold my husband’s hand or enjoy the quiet peace of the early morning. But none of that is to earn something. Instead, it is the natural outflow of the Life of Christ in me.
It’s funny—God never promises in the Bible that we won’t disappoint people or let them down. In fact, He said that some people will have real issues with us. But if our eyes are on His already being pleased with us, I think we can let some of the disappointment go. When I recognize I am loved, all of those around me benefit from my relaxing into who I already am. I can be who God made me to be without comparison or judgment. And I can love others as they are with the eternal wellspring of God’s love bubbling up in me.
But we thank God for giving us the victory as conquerors through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One. So now, beloved ones, stand firm and secure. Live your lives with an unshakable confidence. We know that we prosper and excel in every season by serving the Lord, because we are assured that our union with the Lord makes our labor productive with fruit that endures. 1 Corinthians 15:57-58