What do you do when the aching fingers of sadness seem to take hold of your heart and your head and won’t let it go? When the thought of getting out of bed and facing the day causes you to roll over and forget the whole thing? When the obsession with all the stupid things you’ve said, the flaws in your appearance or demeanor, or the ways you’ve been let down begins to drown you in self-pity and despair?
Depression has become a word to describe a whole spectrum of feelings. There are those who genuinely have a brain chemistry problem who need medications to sort through the darkness of the depression. There are those who need to change their thinking and renew their minds to move into the place God has for them rather than drowning in feelings. There are those who can choose to refocus and pull out of the depression with a different approach and perspective to life.
For those who do not have a biochemical issue, here are some ways to start to pull yourself out of the despair.
Learn to distinguish lying thoughts and emotions. Not everything that buzzes through your brain is true. Often, it is a thought based on an assumption which we believe as true and act accordingly. But we have no facts to base this assumption on, and therefore should not form our whole thinking pattern around it. Emotions aren’t bad, but they should never be in charge. Emotions must be led by truth, for if they are not, they will be led by lies and you will end up in a ditch wondering how you got there. Learn to rewind the situation to understand what started the feelings of sadness and discouragement, and then speak truth into that beginning trigger.
If you are sad, allow yourself to be sad. Grieving people should have some times of sadness, along with anger, happiness, and a host of other emotions—sometimes all at the same time. If you have lost a person, a dream, an expectation or a relationship, they should be grieved. Grief is weird and not at all linear. So, let yourself be sad when it comes up. And then, pick yourself up and move into something else in your mind. Allow yourself to grieve, and also move forward. It’s not one or the other. This also reminds us that grief doesn’t just stop after a month or two. It’s a long process, and that’s ok if you are able to continue to function while allowing yourself to feel the emotion. I love the way the people who write the Psalms are able to express a whole range of emotions, and God isn’t scared of any of it. Get the emotion out whether it’s in writing, talking or just crying. And then, come back to Jesus, who is the One who will take you on and provide strength for the next step.
Check to understand what messages you have taken in from the people around you that send you into the depression when you feel them again--messages like being not good enough, a failure, unloved, hopeless, bothersome and dirty. Begin to ask God to show you the truth about who He has made you in exchanging His Life for yours. You are not the old person anymore, but a new creation. And all that is true about Him is true about you. We also don’t let crazy people tell us who we are. No offense, but everybody is a little crazy. Only God can give us identity, and only He should be allowed to. Everyone else tends to feed us messages out of their own hurt, and that doesn’t lead anywhere good.
Get up and go. I know it feels like every ounce of your being will be taxed to do so. But sitting around obsessing on what’s wrong with your life isn’t going to help either. So, find someone to go help. Make a meal. Visit an old person. Play with a child. Organize a library. Do something for someone else. The rush from serving someone else is enough to help move you toward some hope. Exercise also helps. Even if it’s a quick walk around the block in the fresh air, it gets your body moving and gives your endorphins a chance to help you out. Do push-ups. Take a hike. Swim in a lake. Chase your kids. Doing something active will help promote energy, which is often what you wanted in the first place. No it won’t be easy to motivate yourself to do these things, but sulking and laying on the couch isn’t going to help at all. Believe me, I know. I’ve tried.
Just say no to obsession. If you find yourself wallowing in some thought pattern that isn’t helpful, move your brain. Use emotion as your warning light that you are in the obsessing place. If you feel yucky, identify why rather than just rolling with the feeling and making it worse by using circumstances to “prove” why you are hopeless, worthless, etc. And once you’ve realized you are stuck, move your brain. Don’t just tell yourself to stop thinking about it. Have something lined up to refocus on ahead of time. Maybe it’s thinking of things you are thankful for and expressing that to God. Maybe it’s praying for someone else who is hurting. Maybe it’s just distracting yourself with a problem that needs to be solved and will keep your mind busy for a little while. This starts to change what you soak in, though, and I do believe that what you soak in eventually determines who you believe you are.
All these things take work, but they are so worth it when you are able to see through the depression for the first time. You can start to reform some of the patterns in your brain to move you toward hope, truth and Life. When the Holy Spirit lives within you, He can empower you to do all sorts of things you never imagined. So, admit that you don’t have the strength, and ask Him to be all you need. Even if that is every moment of the day for a while, you will start to move forward. He is faithful to show up in the practical, every-day scenarios, even depression and despair.
So then, my soul, why would you be depressed? Why would you sink into despair? Just keep hoping and waiting on God, your Savior. For no matter what, I will still sing with praise, for living before his face is my saving grace! Here I am depressed and downcast. Yet I will still remember you as I ponder the place where your glory streams down from the mighty mountaintops, lofty and majestic—the mountains of your awesome presence. My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love. Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow over my soul, carrying me away, cascading over me like a thundering cataract. Yet all day long God’s promises of love pour over me. Through the night I sing his songs, for my prayer to God has become my life. I will say to God, “You are my mountain of strength; how could you forget me? Why must I suffer this vile oppression of my enemies—these heartless tormentors who are out to kill me?” Their wounding words pierce my heart over and over while they say, “Where is this God of yours?” So I say to my soul, “Don’t be discouraged. Don’t be disturbed. For I know my God will break through for me.” Then I’ll have plenty of reasons to praise him all over again. Yes, living before his face is my saving grace! Psalm 42:5-11