Posts
Hannah Morrell
The Wilderness

Several years ago, my husband and I were camping in Moab, Utah with our one-year-old son. Camping is probably a generous term—we did have a pop-up camper and weren’t really roughing it. We did, however, drive about half an hour outside of town on a dirt road to the middle of nowhere, and then parked the camper at the top of a rocky hill. The views were spectacular, and we would only see another car on the dirt road about once every few hours. It was a little taste of the wilderness, with only us and our little camper. No cell service, no toilets, and no other people around.

This seemed like a fantastic experience until we decided the next day to head back into town to get a few groceries. After piling in the truck, my husband tried to start the vehicle, but it wouldn’t start. The truck’s battery was dead. And the wilderness experience that seemed like a lot of fun became quite scary.

I started to panic, wondering how we would ever get out of there. No cars came by on the road, and it was at least a day’s walk to get back into town with a one-year-old and only so much food for camping. Finally after a bit of worry, my husband brilliantly figured out that he could use the camper batteries to jump the truck battery, and we were finally moving again.

But what about the figurative wildernesses in which we find ourselves where we can’t figure a way out, and we sit and wait with no resources and no hope? Wildernesses are a real experience in life, and one which often catches us by surprise. I’m not sure why, as so many of the people in the Bible went through years and years of wilderness, sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal. There are stories of prison, hardships, desert-living, wandering, frustration, hopelessness, disbursement and aching for home.

The Wilderness
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

Why I Choose Jesus
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Walking Like a Superhero

There’s a little boy I see every morning when I’m dropping my daughter off at school. He comes to help drop off his older brother, and always shows up in his Superman pajamas complete with cape. The thing that always strikes me as hilarious is how he walks next to his dad. He’s this tiny little man, but walks like he is 10 feet tall—he definitely has the superhero walk down. His cape flows behind him, and he takes large, commanding steps no matter where he is going.

I love watching him and it makes me giggle a little to watch him stride through the parking lot. This morning, though, God spoke and asked me how I would walk if I knew and believed the super power that dwells within me? That caught me off guard. You see, I used to always walk with my eyes on my shoes (which might explain some of my clumsiness). I didn’t feel that I had worth, and I walked like it. I didn’t understand Who I had, or who I was.

You see, when you have Christ’s Life within you, you have the power of the Living God walking around with you. He says He will be everything you need, and we have all of Him to meet all of our problems, dilemmas and circumstances. I think when I realize that I am the chosen dwelling place of God Himself (1 Corinthians 6:19), and that makes me His.

Walking Like a Superhero
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Cry of the Broken-Hearted

We cry out from a broken heart,
Shards lying all around us on the ground.
Our tears pour out—
It feels like they will never end.

The pain explodes from within us,
Our chests feeling like they will break apart.
Lying face down on the ground,
Our desperate plea for help and rescue escaping our lips.

Our Kind Shepherd is here,
Never leaving, never abandoning us in grief.
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief Himself,
He will not turn away.

Cry of the Broken-Hearted
Posts
Hannah Morrell
The Powerful Force of Hope

Hope is often viewed as a destination—like saying we hope for the future, and believing we get the hope when we arrive at the future we are expecting or creating in our minds. We believe that our lives should “normalize” or the tough stuff should stop happening at some point, and that’s the point where hope is manifested.

I was reading Katherine Wolf’s Treasures in the Dark recently, and she addresses this after she has suffered an almost-life-ending stroke, multiple neural events, broken bones and recovery from all of those things. She says:

Whether I acknowledged it or not, hope had been a destination to me. Something to be attained or achieved. I thought I could successfully complete a one-time progressive ascent from hurting to healing to hoping, then hang out at the top for the rest of my life. Easy breezy! Maybe this sounds like something you’ve believed too. 

The Powerful Force of Hope

discouragement

Blue Monday

Blue Monday

I heard on the radio the other day that the third Monday of January is called Blue Monday. Apparently, many people are struggling with being done with a fun time of year at Christmas while still having the bills, the failed New Year’s resolutions and the cold weather. Whether you call it seasonal affective disorder or just the winter blues, many people really struggle with discouragement, lack of motivation, depression and hopelessness during this time of year.

I wonder how much of that is our sense of failure, as we realize we spent too much money at Christmas, ate more than we wanted to, or didn’t keep any of the resolutions we had set up for ourselves at the beginning of the year. So often we define our mood by our sense of accomplishment, and a bad mood starts with feeling like we have only failed at everything.

Last week I felt myself going into the funk of discouragement. I was tired and worn out with dealing with a lot of physical and emotional issues in my family over the last month. I cried out for something to give, for the “normal” to return and with it, peace. I forgot something, though, as I tend to do.

Hopelessness to Hope

Hopelessness to Hope

Do you ever have those days when you wake up and feel that it’s all hopeless? You lie awake at night considering all you have going on in your life, and imagine that nothing will ever change and your life will always be this way? Maybe you have tried to break free and to change things, but these attempts have fallen to the ground with no sign of completing their task.

Your heart cries out and aches for relief as you go about your day with a dreary cloud of despair tormenting your every move. The problems seem insurmountable, and you wonder how you will continue to walk forward. Everything ahead of you feels uncertain, or, even worse—the same as it is now.

I was reading the story of Hezekiah in Isaiah, where the powerful king has sent messengers to taunt his people and foretell their defeat by his army. The Assyrian army had destroyed many people and nations at this point, and were greatly feared. Hezekiah takes the message to God, crying out for help. I would imagine that it looked pretty hopeless to him as well. But he poured it all out before God anyway. God’s response through Isaiah was basically--don’t worry, I’m taking care of it.

Depression and Despair

Depression and Despair

What do you do when the aching fingers of sadness seem to take hold of your heart and your head and won’t let it go? When the thought of getting out of bed and facing the day causes you to roll over and forget the whole thing? When the obsession with all the stupid things you’ve said, the flaws in your appearance or demeanor, or the ways you’ve been let down begins to drown you in self-pity and despair?

Baby Steps

Baby Steps

There was a movie many years ago called “What About Bob?” in which the two main characters are a psychiatrist and patient. The patient proceeds to drive the psychiatrist totally crazy by following his “baby steps” right into chasing the therapist down on vacation. The idea of baby steps for everything—small movements or decisions in life that add up to bigger strides to a goal—were supposed to help Bob (the patient) to overcome some of his anxiety. As funny as that movie was about the whole thing, there is something to be said for baby-stepping your way through life.

When God's Plan Seems Crazy

When God's Plan Seems Crazy

I was listening to Lisa Jo Baker today as she talked about a story in 2 Chronicles in which God told King Jehoshaphat to do some crazy things when faced with enemies bent on the destruction of his people. God told him not to fear, to stand still and to watch the Lord fight for him. So, he sent the choir out front of the army and marched down to meet the other armies. The singers sang praise to God and as they did this, the Lord defeated the armies and had them kill each other. When the Israelites arrived on the scene, nothing was left but corpses. It made me laugh because of how often God asks us to do the thing that doesn’t make sense, that makes us feel or look like a fool, or that is the opposite of what we would think we should do. 

Comfort, Rest and Temper Tantrums

Comfort, Rest and Temper Tantrums

Sometimes I throw temper tantrums about my life.I might as well be a 2-year-old with the fits I can have concerning all the things I feel I should not have to be experiencing, the comparisons I make to find myself lacking, and the struggles of others I want to wish away. I get mad at God, at the situation and at myself. It’s really hard for me to understand rest in the middle of struggle.

The Pressure of Doing Everyday Life

The Pressure of Doing Everyday Life

Do you ever feel the pressure of living out your calling, and wonder how you are going to be what everyone needs or wants you to be? How are you going to raise these kids? How are you going to preach on Sunday? How are you going to show up to a marriage which requires so much? How are you going to do one more day in a menial, thankless job that barely pays the bills? How are you going to love a person in your life who keeps responding in bitterness? How are you going to listen to the question of an aging parent and answer with patience for the hundredth time today?

Trying to Play God in the Circumstances of Life

Trying to Play God in the Circumstances of Life

A few days ago, I got caught in the funk of the “always” and “never” statements in my life. I started thinking that I would always be in this place, and circumstances will never be change. It is pretty discouraging when you start thinking this way, and often we don’t realize we are trying to play God in our own lives.

Questions and Doubts

Questions and Doubts

I watched a show the other day in which a character was having a crisis of faith. All the things she believed about God came crashing down around her as she battled through an emotional trauma which started the whole thing. The questions sometimes seem to rise up with enough force to crush us. I talk to people often who are dealing with the same thing—questions, doubt, discontent with what God is doing or not doing.

Recognizing the Flowers and Giving Thanks

Recognizing the Flowers and Giving Thanks

We did a birthday party for my son this last weekend. A bunch of his friends came over and did a Nerf gun war in the backyard in childhood bliss. I was talking with my son later that night and he totally shocked me by leaning over for a hug and saying, “Thanks for the fun party, Mom.” More often than not, my kids complain about what they don’t have rather than being thankful for what they do. And (who am I kidding here?) so do I.

The Dark Days of Waiting

The Dark Days of Waiting

I love happy endings. I really can’t stand it when I watch a movie or read a book, and the ending just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. In fact, I actually rewrote several book endings when I was a kid because I didn’t like the original version. (Because, you know, they’re only timeless classics celebrated for their incredible stories but I thought I could do better!)

Light in the Darkness

Light in the Darkness

Sometimes the darkness feels so scary and bleak. The unknown staring at us makes us feel as if we will never get through, and even if we do, we might hate what’s on the other side. Sometimes the pain seems too much, the loss too great. We feel alone, discouraged and filled with anxiety.

When Christmas Hurts

When Christmas Hurts

Christmas time is here! For me, Christmas is a beautiful time of year to refocus and worship the King of Kings. It does not for one second mean that this time is without turmoil, conflict, frustration and sadness. It’s interesting to me that throughout the Bible, God comes for those who are weak, unqualified and not at all what the world would choose as His representatives. And He does things in ways that they would not have chosen for themselves.

Love Wins, by Scott

Love Wins, by Scott

Overnight my world had changed, I woke up with nerve pain in my hands, arms, feet and legs, it was burning and stinging all over; just the day before I was fine. Soon, I had fatigue, dizziness, headaches, muscle weakness and my tendons became loose and painful. Each day was worse than the next, I lost over 25 pounds within two months and it became difficult just to walk. Thirteen specialists later and a multitude of test, everything had come back negative. The doctors had no answer for what was wrong with me.

Whatever Today Brings

Whatever Today Brings

Whatever today brings. Whether it be the same old thing again or a new chapter you never wanted to begin. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are looking at the same battle you’ve fought a thousand times in a thousand ways with no energy left to fight. Or if you are approaching a new life that’s scary and you don’t know what it will bring.

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus