This year has not gone like I thought it would in so many ways—probably many of you have experienced the same. But today God reminded me that He has been teaching me about dependence, and kind of gave me a heads up that was where we were going this year! My verse for the year was Proverbs 3:5-6, and it’s been on repeat throughout the year.
I keep forgetting, though, and assuming I can do this life by myself. I realize I often don’t trust God, and do rely on my own opinions (even though that’s never helped me). I don’t rely on Him to guide me, and don’t look to Him as my Shepherd throughout decisions. But He is faithful to keep putting me in impossible situations where I remember.
None of us can do this life alone. We don’t have the wisdom, strength, patience, or love to walk in loving enemies, having hope in hopeless situations, or experiencing peace that makes no sense given the situation. God has all of that, and He is the one we get to depend on for this to blossom and grow in us. Whenever I get overwhelmed, it’s because I have decided it’s all up to me and God isn’t doing a thing about it.
I was thinking about David the other day, you know, the kid who took on a giant and won? I was thinking about how without human support he was as he faced down impossible odds. His dad sent him to take food to his brothers, implying he wasn’t strong enough to be a warrior and was only good for delivering food. His brothers mocked him for his curiosity about why everyone was hiding. He hadn’t forgotten who he was, or who their God was, but when he brought it up, he was met with dismissal and derision. His king tried to give him his armor, once again a demonstration that he was too small and insignificant to do any of these crazy stuff he was threatening. But he went anyway. He knew who God had made him to be, and he knew who his God was through him. Don’t let the rejection or scorn of others define who you are or who your God is.
David didn’t fight Goliath like the giant wanted him to do. Jamie Winship pointed out in a talk recently that David didn’t try to go wrestle him or fight him with a sword. He didn’t let the enemy determine how the battle was fought. He stood in his identity and the training God had led him through as a shepherd on the hillside with his sheep—he needed a sling and some rocks. Don’t let the situation dictate how the battle should be fought.
One of my husband’s firefighter friends had a terrible accident a couple of weeks ago, falling 50 feet in a training exercise and suffering traumatic brain injury along with lots of other wounds. One of the crew has been sending out updates on his status as he remained in the hospital and they evaluated spinal cord injuries, brain function, etc. He is on a positive trend, but the wins are so small that you can miss them sometimes. The thing that struck me was the update from the firefighter in which he said that the doctor had told him they need to compare things week-to-week rather than day-to-day. When we examine the wins and losses for one day, it can seem negative or nonexistent. But when we compare where he was a week ago to where he is today, there is a positive trajectory that displays growth and healing.
Several years ago, I received an email from a brother in Christ reprimanding me for saying that followers of Jesus could be discouraged or anxious. He tried to tell me that I was wrong for suggesting it, and that couldn’t be part of the believers’ experiences. I wanted to respond in anger, maybe trying to fight back for all the amazing people I have worked with who struggle with these things and not because they are messing up. Instead, God directed me to sit in the Psalms for a while, seeing the pattern so often with David of despair and hopelessness turning to new hope and encouragement.
Psalm 42 is a great illustration of this pattern, and I recently went through it again to look for David’s process in dealing with his own discouragement. I think so often we see discouragement as the end, rather than another place to hear from God and walk back through His faithfulness to a place of encouragement. Here are the steps that I see David taking in moving from darkness to light.
Pain in the summer is never fun. Not that pain is ever enjoyable, but the summer just seems to compound the frustration. Everyone is supposed to be enjoying life and the weather, and you feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out.
During the summer of 2016, I sat on the back porch with a couple of friends after my kids had gone to bed and my pain spilled over to them. I looked at my life and wondered what on earth I was going to do moving forward. Generally I like to keep a tight lid on my stuff—opening up seems vulnerable and raw. But this night was one where the honeysuckle smelled sweetest, the warm air wrapped me up in its hug and the crickets sang from their little homes under the grass. It all came pouring out, and was received in such a gracious, loving way.
After I was done talking, my friends prayed for me, asking for direction and hope in the days ahead. And the most powerful piece of that was when one of the girls popped her head up and remembered the story I had told her earlier in the evening about my back yard.
When I wake up to the limitations of the same old day with the same problems as yesterday, Your joy is my encouragement and inspiration.
When I look ahead to the overwhelming work needing to be done, You remind me it isn’t all up to me—that I can entrust my life and all it contains to You.
When I seem to be running from the demons of my past as they frighten me and threaten to keep me locked up in prison forever, You free me and show me how to fly.
