Posts
Hannah Morrell
Faithfulness Even Still

My friends in Haiti are isolated from the world again after the gangs fired on a commercial plane and the airport was closed this week. They were ousted from their homes for over a year while fighting raged around them and they went into hiding. They have shown up for teen and preteen kids who are watching their friends die, and who are still healing from their pasts. I am so blown away by their faithfulness.

I speak to several woman who are raising kids while dealing with debilitating illness and chronic pain in themselves. They show up for their families in the ways they can while desperately surviving their own health journeys. I know they often feel like they are failing, like they can’t do what other moms can do. But I stand in awe of their faithfulness to keep showing up.

Faithfulness Even Still
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Hannah Morrell
The Wilderness

Several years ago, my husband and I were camping in Moab, Utah with our one-year-old son. Camping is probably a generous term—we did have a pop-up camper and weren’t really roughing it. We did, however, drive about half an hour outside of town on a dirt road to the middle of nowhere, and then parked the camper at the top of a rocky hill. The views were spectacular, and we would only see another car on the dirt road about once every few hours. It was a little taste of the wilderness, with only us and our little camper. No cell service, no toilets, and no other people around.

This seemed like a fantastic experience until we decided the next day to head back into town to get a few groceries. After piling in the truck, my husband tried to start the vehicle, but it wouldn’t start. The truck’s battery was dead. And the wilderness experience that seemed like a lot of fun became quite scary.

I started to panic, wondering how we would ever get out of there. No cars came by on the road, and it was at least a day’s walk to get back into town with a one-year-old and only so much food for camping. Finally after a bit of worry, my husband brilliantly figured out that he could use the camper batteries to jump the truck battery, and we were finally moving again.

But what about the figurative wildernesses in which we find ourselves where we can’t figure a way out, and we sit and wait with no resources and no hope? Wildernesses are a real experience in life, and one which often catches us by surprise. I’m not sure why, as so many of the people in the Bible went through years and years of wilderness, sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal. There are stories of prison, hardships, desert-living, wandering, frustration, hopelessness, disbursement and aching for home.

The Wilderness
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Hannah Morrell
Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

Why I Choose Jesus
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Hannah Morrell
Walking Like a Superhero

There’s a little boy I see every morning when I’m dropping my daughter off at school. He comes to help drop off his older brother, and always shows up in his Superman pajamas complete with cape. The thing that always strikes me as hilarious is how he walks next to his dad. He’s this tiny little man, but walks like he is 10 feet tall—he definitely has the superhero walk down. His cape flows behind him, and he takes large, commanding steps no matter where he is going.

I love watching him and it makes me giggle a little to watch him stride through the parking lot. This morning, though, God spoke and asked me how I would walk if I knew and believed the super power that dwells within me? That caught me off guard. You see, I used to always walk with my eyes on my shoes (which might explain some of my clumsiness). I didn’t feel that I had worth, and I walked like it. I didn’t understand Who I had, or who I was.

You see, when you have Christ’s Life within you, you have the power of the Living God walking around with you. He says He will be everything you need, and we have all of Him to meet all of our problems, dilemmas and circumstances. I think when I realize that I am the chosen dwelling place of God Himself (1 Corinthians 6:19), and that makes me His.

Walking Like a Superhero
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Cry of the Broken-Hearted

We cry out from a broken heart,
Shards lying all around us on the ground.
Our tears pour out—
It feels like they will never end.

The pain explodes from within us,
Our chests feeling like they will break apart.
Lying face down on the ground,
Our desperate plea for help and rescue escaping our lips.

Our Kind Shepherd is here,
Never leaving, never abandoning us in grief.
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief Himself,
He will not turn away.

Cry of the Broken-Hearted

suffering

Why I Choose Jesus

Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

The Powerful Force of Hope

The Powerful Force of Hope

Hope is often viewed as a destination—like saying we hope for the future, and believing we get the hope when we arrive at the future we are expecting or creating in our minds. We believe that our lives should “normalize” or the tough stuff should stop happening at some point, and that’s the point where hope is manifested.

I was reading Katherine Wolf’s Treasures in the Dark recently, and she addresses this after she has suffered an almost-life-ending stroke, multiple neural events, broken bones and recovery from all of those things. She says:

Whether I acknowledged it or not, hope had been a destination to me. Something to be attained or achieved. I thought I could successfully complete a one-time progressive ascent from hurting to healing to hoping, then hang out at the top for the rest of my life. Easy breezy! Maybe this sounds like something you’ve believed too. 

Joy in Times of Trouble

Joy in Times of Trouble

I have noticed in my own life that I will look at circumstances as “bad” or “good” depending on the outcome and how I feel about it. Especially recently, though, I have been challenged to look for the good in every situation—to find God in it. This doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily happy or comfortable in whatever is surrounding me, but I want to push through that discomfort to see what God has for me. I do believe there is always beauty that He can bring from ashes, that He is always bringing good even out of really yucky stuff. This doesn’t mean that He causes the yucky stuff or that we change the suffering by positive thinking, and I think that’s sometimes where we get tripped up. We don’t believe a god of love could watch us go through difficult things because that’s not loving—but perhaps the most loving thing to do is to allow the difficult things but still to bring hope and joy in the middle.

I just finished reading The Watchmaker’s Daughter, a newer book about Corrie ten Boom’s life during and after World War 2. If you know me, you know that Corrie is one of my heroes, so a new book about her life was right up my alley. One of the themes that comes through repeatedly is the way the ten Boom family all tried to find joy and hope in extremely dire situations. Whether hiding Jews and working with the underground, enduring prison, or dealing with the torture and horrific conditions in a concentration camp, they all realized their relationship with God got them through and allowed them to see the good in terrible situations. Her sister Betsie, who died while in the concentration camp, told her sister Corrie that people would listen to them because they had been through such awful conditions. And the message was clear—no matter how deep and dark the pit in which they found themselves, God’s love was deeper still and carried them through. Corrie went on to travel the world speaking about forgiveness and God’s love, and she had earned her place to do so as she worked with communities who were forsaken and abandoned by all other help.

Doing the Hard Thing

Doing the Hard Thing

Watching my kids play sports has been so educational for me. I am incredibly proud of them for working through failure, for staying humble and for showing up again and again when they really don’t feel like it. It’s hard to watch them deal with frustration and disappointment, but I realize it’s also so important for them to learn to work through these feelings. I also see how often this is a testimony to me in my own hard things.

The temptation often when we are in a hard place is to believe either it’s our fault (so we are being punished) or it means we should quit and do an easier thing.

The truth is that sometimes we do make stupid decisions and deal with the consequences of those, but even in those choices we can know God and move into His power to deal with whatever hard things are part of our lives. Blaming ourselves or someone else doesn’t make the difficult situations easier—and often just makes us bitter and angry.

Birds and Pavers

Birds and Pavers

One of my favorite parts of summer mornings is sitting out on our back patio with my coffee before my kids get up, enjoying the bird songs and the smell of the flowers as they bloom. This particular morning, however, was a bit different because they had decided to repave the street that runs behind our house past the neighbors’ houses. The only thing I could hear or enjoy this morning was big rumbling trucks and beeping pavers, while the smell of asphalt permeated the air. I was less than impressed. I am grateful for the road refreshing, but couldn’t hear any birds or smell the flowers that I usually so enjoy.

As I sat there, I suddenly realized that the birds were still there, and still singing, but it was hard to make out their songs because of all the mechanical noise. I originally thought they were all gone—headed to somewhere more peaceful and less noisy. I could just barely make out a few songs, though, and was surprised to hear them. And I thought about how often distraction and confusion are the greatest tools of the enemy (along with shame of course) as they make us believe that maybe God has left.

When there are big, smelly, loud problems in our lives, it’s very easy to focus on them and feel as if hope and joy have gone. Anything from financial stress to health problems to relationship issues can be the things that demand our attention in the worst possible way—being louder in our heads and more all-consuming than anything else. I’m not for a minute arguing that they aren’t big, smelly and loud. That’s why they are so distracting. But I do want to fight for focus as I listen for the bird songs and get up close to the flowers so I don’t forget how they smell.

The truth of God’s presence is still there, but sometimes it’s really hard to see or hear Him. Sometimes it feels like we are surrounded by yucky things and are staring down the path of scary, awful futures. It’s in those times that I most need to refocus and ask for the ability to see and hear Jesus standing with me. He never leaves, but I can convince myself that He does. He never checks out, but I can feel as though He probably should. He never gives up on us, but I can give you all the reasons He really ought to.

My Hiding Place of Hope

My Hiding Place of Hope

Often in my life, I want to find hope in a variety of external changes. Maybe it’s financial security, good relationships, success or self-reliance. I can be tempted to believe that hope lies in achieving these things. I can work myself to death trying to be in control of my life, but I am becoming more and more convinced that hope can’t be found in any of these.

I can look around the world and see instances of all kinds of trouble, suffering, insecurity. I can look in my own life and see the same. So, if my hope lies in getting rid of the trouble, I am not doing very well at getting to hope.

If, however, my hope is God Himself, then I don’t need to worry about changing my circumstances in order to find hope. This is the concept that I call “rising above” the situation at hand and acknowledging God’s presence regardless of the seeming impossibility of the problem. This is not a denial, but rather an acknowledgment of both the problem and the God who owns the problem. I believe it is recognizing my abiding in the Vine, and accessing all that this abiding gives me.

Divine Strength

Divine Strength

Honestly, I am not always excited when God brings the theme of the coming year for me as I pray on it in December. It is almost never something I expect (or frankly, want) and I sometimes get a bit nervous about how He’s going to bring it forth over the next year.

So, with the upcoming year when the word is “strength” I really wanted to ask for a different one! Ha! Why? Well, strength sounds nice, and in fact, it’s often what we work towards. We want to strengthen our physical bodies, our minds, our spirits, our hearts. We try self-help programs, workouts, a variety of methods to strengthen ourselves, thinking that one day we will be able to look at ourselves with admiration.

I find, though, that God’s view on strength is different. You see, divine strength is what God is going to give us, not necessarily an increase in fleshly strength. He doesn’t want the flesh to get stronger because He knows that’s bad for us. Instead, He wants us to grow more and more dependent on Him for supernatural strength that only comes through Him.

A Heart's Cry for Hope & Gratitude

A Heart's Cry for Hope & Gratitude

Though the economy seems desperate and the bank account is empty,
Though friends may forsake and leave for someone they decide is better,
Though the job situation looks bleak and the prospects look even bleaker,
Though health may not be improving, and even might be getting worse,
Though dreams of where you would be at this point in life are not at all reality,
Though a spouse might leave for another and reject and betray,
Though singleness continues after years of hoping for a good and kind relationship,
Though infertility steals any chance of parenting, and your heart aches,
Though kids have gone down roads never wished for by a parent,
Though traumas of the past continue to rear their ugly heads,
Though looking around the world exhibits only see damage and evil,
Though hope in the circumstances seems lost and forlorn,

He Holds My Hand

He Holds My Hand

If your week looks anything like mine, you are running a little ragged. Yours might feel better or worse, but regardless there are so many days that I wake up telling God how I don’t have what I need for today at all. I don’t know how to do it. I can’t possibly have the strength or time to do it. I don’t even want to do it.

Sometimes the way ahead feels completely impossible. The mountain in front of you looks insurmountable. The feelings around you threaten to drown you, and you are convinced that there is no other way but to live in anxiety and constant hypervigilance.

I will tell you what God has been telling me. Not because I understand it completely, but because it is most comforting when you are facing a life that seems impossible.

God the Gardener

God the Gardener

I’ve been thinking a lot about how God gardens. I have a little garden in my backyard that I enjoy, and I’ve written about it before. I’ve read somewhere that the greatest optimists in the world are gardeners in the spring, as the sky is the limit in the harvest that is planned and expected. Even if my crop turns out to be bad one year, I am still back at it in the spring, hoping for a better year with returns that make me happy.

The first thing I do when planting is to disturb the soil. I dig down into it, and mix it with rotting food and poop (also known as compost and manure). The soil must be disturbed before it can be planted. I bet the disruption is not comfortable for the ground, but I can see past the mess to the possibility of what can come out of it—the anticipation of good makes it worth the disruption.

Rebellious Hope

Rebellious Hope

Some days you wake up and it seems the whole world is on fire. And you haven’t even turned on the news! The financial strain looks like it will push you into a place you never imagined yourself or your family. The health prognosis gives you pain on top of pain, and no good treatment or way ahead. Or the treatment is more painful than the original problem! The government turmoil speaks of continued dire predictions as well as death, destruction and evil. The family division cuts you up inside into a million little pieces that cry out for restoration.

I heard an interesting quote by a singer called Nightbirde, who passed away recently after a couple of years battling cancer. She said, “Some people will call it ‘blind denial’ but I prefer to call it rebellious hope.” Something about that phrase lights a fire in my soul. We don’t have hope because we are surrounded in it, or because we see the obvious way through the dark tunnel. Instead, it is a sort of rebellion, to stand in the face of whatever crisis or turmoil presented and see past it to hope. It isn’t a denial of the circumstances, but recognizing you have a God bigger than the circumstances.

Hiding Place

Hiding Place

Some days I need a place to hide. A place that is safe and always accessible, no matter what is going on around me. I am not denying the bad stuff—it’s definitely everywhere. But I can also experience a place in my spirit that rises above everything else, allowing me to rest. It seems like an oxymoron, right? Rest when everything is spinning like crazy. But over and over again, God calls us to rest.

I’ve been spending a lot of time praying through Psalm 31 recently. Especially when it comes to praying for many I know who are in danger, who feel like their world is falling apart, who can’t find a safe place in the world at all. I am trusting God to be their hiding place, their rescue.

This is what I pray for them, and for you.

Suffering With Those Who Suffer

Suffering With Those Who Suffer

Many people ask me how I do what I do, talking with people who feel so broken every day to encourage them and point them to Jesus. It’s true there are days that I cry out from the heaviness of the stories, and the overwhelm of all the pain. Most days I enjoy the work I am privileged to do. I get to walk into people’s lives in places that most don’t ever hear about, and I treasure the trust that people give me in doing this. But what do we do when it’s just hard, and it seems like everyone around us is suffering and in agony?

First, I need to recognize when I’m trying to take on something that’s not mine to carry. My job is not to fix people, or their situations. When the pressure is on and I feel weighed down, often it’s because I am trying to take God’s job. Yes, I want to help, but I can’t help if I am overloaded with trying to solve problems I have no business trying to solve.

Second, I ask God for wisdom and strength in what to say and do. I have realized this year that the time I spend praying for people is more important than the time I spend talking with them. Why? Well, it puts me in a place to receive from God. When I realize I am weak and don’t have what it takes to fix a problem, I can receive the wisdom that Jesus is bringing to the situation and pass it on to the hurting person. God is the counselor—not me. So, I get to participate in what He is doing in someone, and that is a huge gift and a major relief as well. My friend Mike Wells used to say that we bring an empty bag and let God fill it with what people need. This no longer limits me to my own knowledge or skills, but open the door to the power of the God who knows all and works in hearts in a way I could never do.

We Cry Out

We Cry Out

We cry out wondering “Why?”
We cry out for mercy, for change.
We cry out for relief from our suffering and that of others.
We cry out with David, “How long, O Lord?”

We know you are mighty to save.
We know you are present and able to rescue.
We know you feel this pain with us as we grieve.
We know you see us—we are not absent from your heart.

But we cry out for peace.
We cry out for hope when the future looks bleak.
We cry out for freedom from those who control and manipulate.
We cry out for your strong arm to reach in and bring us out.

Beauty From Ashes

Beauty From Ashes

Walking through the burn scar of a recent forest fire in the mountains of Colorado is an eerie thing. It sort of feels like a ghost town, abandoned and barren. Charred remnants of trees lay blackened and oddly shaped all around. I felt overwhelmed by sadness to see all the once proud trees cut down to just burnt sticks. And then, as He always does, God lifted my hanging head to show me the beauty. Beauty from ashes.

I suddenly saw the fantastic beauty of the flowers, especially the one called fireweed which grows abundantly after a fire. Apparently the fireweed is the first plant to grow after a forest fire burns through. The grass that was popping up through the ash was bright green, and gave a colorful contrast and spoke of hope for a new future. None of the beauty minimized the pain of the fire, but it seemed to give it new meaning—calling it forward to new growth.

I talk to so many people who have had a forest fire in their lives, and some have had a few. They feel like their whole worlds lay blackened and reduced to ash. Sometimes they lit the match that started the fire, and other times it was someone else. Regardless of who started the blaze, they now stand in the middle of what seems like a hopeless burn scar.

Abiding Life

Abiding Life

So, you accept that Jesus is the way and you invite Him into your life, accepting the complete forgiveness He’s already given for all the ways you’ve tried to do life on your own, and recognizing He makes your spirit alive. In this acceptance, you emerge a new person with access to all the power of the living God who does not ask you to live life by yourself and in your own strength, but provides His through His Life within in the presence of His Spirit.

You aren’t trying to prove yourself or do the right things, but rather you are living out the worth that God has already given you. You haven’t earned it, and it can’t be taken away. Jesus said you have worth, value and meaning, and He wants relationship with you—that’s why He suffered and died to make a way ahead. He beat up death, sin, evil and darkness, freeing us from ever having to serve them. We do choose to serve them sometimes, but we don’t have to—we have another way.

So, how do we live life now? First, you acknowledge that you are loved without having to perform or achieve or do one solitary thing. You have been called a child of God, and He loves you immensely without your achievement. Second, it isn’t about sin. Sin was dealt with on the cross, and is our master no more. Instead, it’s about believing that God will do what He says and recognizing that I can’t do it on my own.

Life for the religious often becomes a hamster wheel of doing “for” God and staying away from the things that might make Him mad. But in doing that, we are missing the point. He wants relationship, not performance. We don’t love others because we’ve decided to love really hard. We love others because He loved us first and that love overflows out of us onto someone else. And the things He tells us not to do are not because He’s going to blast us if we do them, but we start to recognize that they are the places of misery for us. Often these are the things we run to in order to try to feel better about life—substances, people, ministry, image.

They aren’t just “bad” things as defined by religion. Anything that puts you in a place where you are trying to gain acceptance and love based on what you do or don’t do is bad for us. Instead, there’s a sweet dependence of relationship when we wake up and ask Jesus what we are doing today. And when His peace leaves, so do we. We don’t need an explanation, but rather we start to understand that His peace is a guide for our contentment.

When You Are Limping Instead of Running

When You Are Limping Instead of Running

Some days I run with passionate endurance.
Some days I walk with a limp.
The pressing on and finishing well
Can seem never-ending.
The fight could really just stop.
I don’t want to face the enemy—
I’d rather just hide.
Needing a break from it all.

That’s when I must push deep into rest,
Not sleep or taking a nap.
But pursuing quiet in the middle of the busyness,
Soaking in my time sitting at Jesus’ feet.
I come away from the distractions of life
To refocus instead on the outstretched hand,
Beckoning me to come to Him
And allow Him to restore my soul.

I Cry Out

I Cry Out

I cry out for relief.
I cry out in weariness.
I want change and different.
I want the pain to stop.
I want the wounds to heal,
The evil done to so many to be dealt with in justice.
I want the children to be delivered from the horror.
I don’t want anyone to suffer in the pain of this world.
I want those to be punished who do evil in Your name.
I don’t minimize any of this mess.

But I look to You.
I pour my heart out to the Compassionate One.
I ask for Your strength to keep pushing into the pain.
I ask for breakthrough with the revelation of Your love.
I see you are faithful to keep rescuing.
You continue to pursue with love not based on behavior.
I can be angry with you, and you take it.
You keep bringing hope, and redemption.
You keep buying us back from the pain,
Whether we caused it or it was done to us.
Not one evil done by us or to us
Can negate the new Life He has given us.
I need to say that again.
Nothing can steal us from this love.
Nothing.

The Good News

The Good News

Perhaps one of the most frustrating parts of the Gospel or good news of Jesus is that God didn’t choose to rescue us by ridding the world of evil, but rather ridding us of evil. We would like the suffering, the struggle, the darkness to go away and leave us in peace. Peace is defined by the absence of chaos, rather than trying to define peace in the middle of the mess. We also decide that God is acting only when the situation turns out as we wanted it to, with the least discomfort.

The truth, though, is that God ached for relationship with us, relationship that we had rejected in Adam and Eve way back in the garden. We want to blame Eve quite often, and think we would have made a different decision. But at the heart of every person is the desire to be their own god, controlling their own destiny and being powerful in their own right. They rejected relationship with God. I want to think that I would have chosen walking with God in the garden over the fruit that would make me like God, but in reality, God knew I wouldn’t have. None of us would have.

So, He sent a part of Himself in Jesus to make a way, and to make a different decision. He chose to humble Himself. He was God, but chose to empty Himself of that power, and become a human—the opposite direction of the humans trying to be god unto themselves. Everything that Jesus did on earth was because of His connection to the Father and the Spirit—the union of the Godhead was perfectly demonstrating the union He wants with us. He wants to participate in each part of our lives, empowering us through dependence and connection to Him, rather than us empowering ourselves through intelligence or independence. It feels all backwards for the American culture of pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. But it’s a relationship that God desires—not a dictatorship or slavery.

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus