It is amazing to me to look back over my life and see the hand of God at work all throughout to reveal/ uncover Christ in me. Early in my life, I would fight the tools He would use. I still do, but much less often and with less intensity. It’s in those struggles, the very tools that I used to see as the enemy, that I am now seeing the tender invitation of God to a deeper relationship with Him and a life of freedom. I began meeting with Hannah in the Fall of 2016. Even though I had been introduced to the message of abiding in Christ (John 15) through Abiding Life Ministries and my mentor Dianne, I needed a little more help to release some false identities that ran a little deeper. Dianne knew Hannah through Abiding Life and suggested I meet with her.The Lord significantly used my time with Hannah to deal specifically with my fear of man and my fear of abandonment. These issues have both played out significantly in my family of origin and at the time with my husband’s role as senior pastor of one international church and associate pastor of another international church. My family and my husband love me and a real threat of abandonment wasn’t there; the pain came more in the sense of being overlooked when someone else had something bigger going on. Which in my case, happens quite frequently.The Lord has done so much that it’s hard to remember now all the things He gets glory for. But in the broad sense, the more I looked to Him and continue to look to Him, the more free I am from these fears of man and abandonment. The more I’m able to respond with love and to release my loved ones to do as they choose. And I will choose to look to my Lord.My husband and I have moved back near my family. While preparing for our move, I would go through periods of some anxiety. My flesh would swing back into the fear that I’d get pushed aside again and expected to comply with the old patterns. Then as I looked to the Lord, He would remind me that He’d been preparing me for this and He would be what I need each moment.It’s been almost a couple months since the move and I’ve definitely had opportunities of testing. But I’m also grateful for it. Because I don’t want to get back into my old ways of operating with my family, which was lashing out, I HAVE TO keep my eyes on Him.And looking back over my life, I can honestly say, I am not sorry for my “misfortunes/inabilities.” Much of what I have envied that others have which would have spared me my pain, would have also made me selfish and led me away from Him instead of toward Him. And the very situations that I struggled so hard to “control,” I’m now grateful for.Even though this part of my journey isn’t finished, I’m a little excited in the process. Excited to walk with God as my family stuff continues to come up. Excited and humbled to maybe be a part of His healing for them. Most of all, I’m excited to grow closer to Him and to reflect Him more and me less.-Kelly
From Fear to Freedom