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Hannah Morrell
The Wilderness

Several years ago, my husband and I were camping in Moab, Utah with our one-year-old son. Camping is probably a generous term—we did have a pop-up camper and weren’t really roughing it. We did, however, drive about half an hour outside of town on a dirt road to the middle of nowhere, and then parked the camper at the top of a rocky hill. The views were spectacular, and we would only see another car on the dirt road about once every few hours. It was a little taste of the wilderness, with only us and our little camper. No cell service, no toilets, and no other people around.

This seemed like a fantastic experience until we decided the next day to head back into town to get a few groceries. After piling in the truck, my husband tried to start the vehicle, but it wouldn’t start. The truck’s battery was dead. And the wilderness experience that seemed like a lot of fun became quite scary.

I started to panic, wondering how we would ever get out of there. No cars came by on the road, and it was at least a day’s walk to get back into town with a one-year-old and only so much food for camping. Finally after a bit of worry, my husband brilliantly figured out that he could use the camper batteries to jump the truck battery, and we were finally moving again.

But what about the figurative wildernesses in which we find ourselves where we can’t figure a way out, and we sit and wait with no resources and no hope? Wildernesses are a real experience in life, and one which often catches us by surprise. I’m not sure why, as so many of the people in the Bible went through years and years of wilderness, sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal. There are stories of prison, hardships, desert-living, wandering, frustration, hopelessness, disbursement and aching for home.

The Wilderness
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Hannah Morrell
Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

Why I Choose Jesus
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Hannah Morrell
Walking Like a Superhero

There’s a little boy I see every morning when I’m dropping my daughter off at school. He comes to help drop off his older brother, and always shows up in his Superman pajamas complete with cape. The thing that always strikes me as hilarious is how he walks next to his dad. He’s this tiny little man, but walks like he is 10 feet tall—he definitely has the superhero walk down. His cape flows behind him, and he takes large, commanding steps no matter where he is going.

I love watching him and it makes me giggle a little to watch him stride through the parking lot. This morning, though, God spoke and asked me how I would walk if I knew and believed the super power that dwells within me? That caught me off guard. You see, I used to always walk with my eyes on my shoes (which might explain some of my clumsiness). I didn’t feel that I had worth, and I walked like it. I didn’t understand Who I had, or who I was.

You see, when you have Christ’s Life within you, you have the power of the Living God walking around with you. He says He will be everything you need, and we have all of Him to meet all of our problems, dilemmas and circumstances. I think when I realize that I am the chosen dwelling place of God Himself (1 Corinthians 6:19), and that makes me His.

Walking Like a Superhero
Posts
Hannah Morrell
Cry of the Broken-Hearted

We cry out from a broken heart,
Shards lying all around us on the ground.
Our tears pour out—
It feels like they will never end.

The pain explodes from within us,
Our chests feeling like they will break apart.
Lying face down on the ground,
Our desperate plea for help and rescue escaping our lips.

Our Kind Shepherd is here,
Never leaving, never abandoning us in grief.
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief Himself,
He will not turn away.

Cry of the Broken-Hearted
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Hannah Morrell
The Powerful Force of Hope

Hope is often viewed as a destination—like saying we hope for the future, and believing we get the hope when we arrive at the future we are expecting or creating in our minds. We believe that our lives should “normalize” or the tough stuff should stop happening at some point, and that’s the point where hope is manifested.

I was reading Katherine Wolf’s Treasures in the Dark recently, and she addresses this after she has suffered an almost-life-ending stroke, multiple neural events, broken bones and recovery from all of those things. She says:

Whether I acknowledged it or not, hope had been a destination to me. Something to be attained or achieved. I thought I could successfully complete a one-time progressive ascent from hurting to healing to hoping, then hang out at the top for the rest of my life. Easy breezy! Maybe this sounds like something you’ve believed too. 

The Powerful Force of Hope

christian life

Breaking Free From Religion

Breaking Free From Religion

You may think that living the Christian life is either extremely boring, or nearly impossible. Waves of guilt and shame combine with a constant feeling of inadequacy to create a life of judgement and self-condemnation. At every turn, you encounter another reason that you don’t measure up or need to be doing more. You obsess on what you see as your failures and think that this mental self-mutilation will somehow make a difference next time. You heart lays bleeding and torn after you’ve beaten yourself with all the messages you have received throughout life from those who have done you wrong. Comparison and self-righteousness hasn’t provided any relief, and you just want something real. Yuck!

I hope, in the pages to come, to show you the contrast of this outlook with the life I believe Jesus intended us to live when He died for us in the in the first place: a life of joy and overflowing love that fills us up with acceptance and belonging. That acceptance and belonging then spill over to those around us as mercy and grace pouring out over every step.

The Christian life doesn’t require us to do more or be more; rather, it provides an exchange of our junk for God’s perfection, strength and peace that allows us to live in a completely differently. This life is about rest, not more striving. It is about love and belonging, not more rejection. It is about being able to live in the impossible while accessing the strength of the God of the universe to move forward. It is about living in the faith of Jesus, rather than condemning ourselves for not being able to drum up enough faith on our own.

God created us for relationship, first with Himself and then with other people. But these relationships often bring trouble as pain and discouragement result from their messiness. Relationship, in its proper place, provides the foundation for living. The order must be right, though, for us to enjoy it. Relationship with God is the basis for love, acceptance, rest, peace, joy, and everything else we need to live. Relationship with humans can be wonderful, but it must follow a relationship with God in order for us not to be mangled and torn up by the crazy humans we encounter through life.

Abiding Life

Abiding Life

So, you accept that Jesus is the way and you invite Him into your life, accepting the complete forgiveness He’s already given for all the ways you’ve tried to do life on your own, and recognizing He makes your spirit alive. In this acceptance, you emerge a new person with access to all the power of the living God who does not ask you to live life by yourself and in your own strength, but provides His through His Life within in the presence of His Spirit.

You aren’t trying to prove yourself or do the right things, but rather you are living out the worth that God has already given you. You haven’t earned it, and it can’t be taken away. Jesus said you have worth, value and meaning, and He wants relationship with you—that’s why He suffered and died to make a way ahead. He beat up death, sin, evil and darkness, freeing us from ever having to serve them. We do choose to serve them sometimes, but we don’t have to—we have another way.

So, how do we live life now? First, you acknowledge that you are loved without having to perform or achieve or do one solitary thing. You have been called a child of God, and He loves you immensely without your achievement. Second, it isn’t about sin. Sin was dealt with on the cross, and is our master no more. Instead, it’s about believing that God will do what He says and recognizing that I can’t do it on my own.

Life for the religious often becomes a hamster wheel of doing “for” God and staying away from the things that might make Him mad. But in doing that, we are missing the point. He wants relationship, not performance. We don’t love others because we’ve decided to love really hard. We love others because He loved us first and that love overflows out of us onto someone else. And the things He tells us not to do are not because He’s going to blast us if we do them, but we start to recognize that they are the places of misery for us. Often these are the things we run to in order to try to feel better about life—substances, people, ministry, image.

They aren’t just “bad” things as defined by religion. Anything that puts you in a place where you are trying to gain acceptance and love based on what you do or don’t do is bad for us. Instead, there’s a sweet dependence of relationship when we wake up and ask Jesus what we are doing today. And when His peace leaves, so do we. We don’t need an explanation, but rather we start to understand that His peace is a guide for our contentment.

The Distraction of What We Don't Have

The Distraction of What We Don't Have

A mentor of mine was talking to me recently about how often we obsess on what we don’t have, allowing ourselves to get distracted and discouraged. We are limited enormously when we are frozen in the comparison, obsession and looking off at what we think will complete us or make us happy.

Maybe it’s a relationship. Or a skill. Or financial security (perceived or temporary as it might be). Or a thousand other things we look at and desire, thinking that if we could just have the thing, we would be content and satisfied.

But that’s the rub. We might get whatever it is we desire, and it just pushes us to another thing. That’s the nature of this life—constant distraction and pushing towards something else we think we need and don’t have. It won’t satisfy. It won’t fulfill.

So, what’s the alternative? Looking at what we have.

The Good News

The Good News

Perhaps one of the most frustrating parts of the Gospel or good news of Jesus is that God didn’t choose to rescue us by ridding the world of evil, but rather ridding us of evil. We would like the suffering, the struggle, the darkness to go away and leave us in peace. Peace is defined by the absence of chaos, rather than trying to define peace in the middle of the mess. We also decide that God is acting only when the situation turns out as we wanted it to, with the least discomfort.

The truth, though, is that God ached for relationship with us, relationship that we had rejected in Adam and Eve way back in the garden. We want to blame Eve quite often, and think we would have made a different decision. But at the heart of every person is the desire to be their own god, controlling their own destiny and being powerful in their own right. They rejected relationship with God. I want to think that I would have chosen walking with God in the garden over the fruit that would make me like God, but in reality, God knew I wouldn’t have. None of us would have.

So, He sent a part of Himself in Jesus to make a way, and to make a different decision. He chose to humble Himself. He was God, but chose to empty Himself of that power, and become a human—the opposite direction of the humans trying to be god unto themselves. Everything that Jesus did on earth was because of His connection to the Father and the Spirit—the union of the Godhead was perfectly demonstrating the union He wants with us. He wants to participate in each part of our lives, empowering us through dependence and connection to Him, rather than us empowering ourselves through intelligence or independence. It feels all backwards for the American culture of pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. But it’s a relationship that God desires—not a dictatorship or slavery.

Problems and Compassion

Problems and Compassion

The problem isn’t the problem. That’s something Mike Wells used to say a lot. It’s easy to get distracted, though, by whatever tough situation is in front of you and figure that if you could “fix” it, then you’d be happier. And don’t get me wrong, I’m all about getting problems resolved, but not at the expense of growing in relationship with Jesus.

Problems have a purpose, and their purpose is to draw us closer to Jesus and allow us to realize that we need His Life for dealing with them. When I treat them as burdens that need to be sorted out, I miss Jesus calling me to Himself. I miss casting my burdens on Him.

We don’t grow in a deepening relationship with people if we go hide out every time there is a problem and don’t allow them into our lives in vulnerability. With God, it is the same. When we push Him away and decide we need to figure this out ourselves before we reapproach Him, we miss the sweetness of the shared struggle. And we miss the power of His Life within us to handle the issue.

God's Availability

God's Availability

“What wings are to a bird, and sails to a ship, so is prayer to the soul.” Corrie ten Boom

The availability of God to me astounds me. I can talk to Him any time, any place. There are no prerequisites or standards that must be achieved before I have access to Him. He has given me the incredible gift of constant connection. Of course, I don’t have to choose to acknowledge I have the access, but I am overwhelmed by His willingness to provide this.

I think we often are under the impression (whether we will state it in so many words or not) that we can’t talk to God about everything, or that we need it to sound a certain way. Unfortunately, many religious people have promoted the concept that you need them to be your go-between to God, or you need to learn from them how to approach Him. And what a crying shame that is, as God calls us to approach Him boldly (Heb 4:16).

When my kids have an issue, they don’t stew about presenting it to me the right way and in the right time (although that’s probably coming in the teenage years!) but rather they melt into tears and come storming with all their emotions exposed about what has happened. I love that God has included the Psalms in the Bible, with all their raw, vulnerable aching. David expresses his anger, his sadness, his depression, his fear—just lays it all out there for everyone to see. And God doesn’t condemn him for it! He encourages it!

Just Keep Walking

Just Keep Walking

Just keep walking, a little step at a time.
Sometimes that’s all I’ve got to do.
One foot in front of the other,
Without knowing what is next,
I just keep walking and waiting
For the way God’s making ahead.

Some days the walking seems drudgery,
And I want to stop and rest.
He reminds me that rest is constant,
If I will just trust Him and ask for His strength.
So, one foot in front of the other,
Walking continually onward.

When Moses walked forward, the Red Sea parted,
Giving God’s people an escape.
When Joshua walked forward, the lands were given,
Everything his feet walked on was theirs.
When Jesus walked forward, the water held him up,
Showing how nature worships its Creator.

When I walk forward, I am tuning my ear,
Listening for God to call out right or left.
He often doesn’t give me the whole set of directions,
But directs as the moment calls for it.
Sometimes I stomp my feet at this waiting,
Wanting control and knowledge rather than dependence and trust.

The Church

The Church

For many years, I treated the church as if it was a form of torture. I wanted nothing to do with people who oozed with the “churchiness” that I loathed. I held myself in arrogance over those who were found in church as if they were to be pitied and despised.

Slowly and gradually, the tender kindness of God has changed that perspective. He has shown me that my despising others was not of Him, but rather out of my own insecurity.

I don’t want to hold up theology and beat others with it, forgetting love.

I don’t want to have to agree with someone in order to love them.

I don’t want to assume that I hold the image of God alone, but instead seeing it reflected in many different ways throughout the body of Christ.

I don’t want to condemn others when God Himself has stated there is no condemnation. (Rom 8:1)

I want to see people with God’s eyes, past their behavior and their posturing to their heart.

My friend and mentor Mike Wells used to say that anytime we move from the center of the wheel down a spoke to the edge, we are missing out. Anytime we require a program, a way of thinking, a behavior ahead of Christ, we have moved from the center of the wheel. It must be Jesus first and Jesus only. He is our Life, and we can’t find that in productivity or moral living. We are not supposed to be generating our “pleasing-ness” to God. He has already made us pleasing in making us a new creation. We need only live in that.

Your Problem Isn't Sin

Your Problem Isn't Sin

My mentor told a story of a pastor who had in his church a young man wracked with guilt every Sunday. Every week, the man would walk to the front to confess his mistakes for the week, recommitting to being done with whatever he was doing that week. The pastor had finally had enough, and meant to call him out the following Sunday. As he stood at the front, the young man rose and began his weekly trip to tell the pastor about his mess-ups. And God spoke to the pastor and told him to tell the young man, “You can come again, and again, and again. I will never tire of you coming to me.” The pastor was overcome with the beauty of the forgiveness and compassion of God for this man.

I talk to many people each week, and often it can become a confessional of how they feel they have failed. The communication in many Christian circles has been one of obsession with sin, condemnation for wrong-doing and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps to try to make God happy again. I don’t believe this is Biblical, though. Jesus is the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world. He says that apart from Him you can do nothing. He talks of how he forgets your sin, and throws it as far as the east is from the west. He talk of forgiving over and over, without resentment or demand.

Sin is not what keeps people from God—pride and unbelief does that. Sin has been dealt with on the cross. It’s the pride of feeling I must do everything independently, including “being good” although the standard for good is one which I cannot attain. It’s also the relentless unbelief that God doesn’t work to pursue me or want me—it is all up to me to live life in a way that pleases Him. So, we carry on trying harder, trying again and working ourselves into a depressing frenzy of self-torture.

Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day

I have heard from many people during this pandemic season that they feel like they are living in the movie Groundhog Day, where the main character relives the same day over and over again. Sometimes these days can seem to stretch on forever with little change, and we don’t have big plans to look forward to or answers to the questions of when we can do things we have hoped to do. I feel especially for those who are in nursing homes and care facilities, sometimes limited to just their room for months on end with no visitors to break up the monotony.

In some ways, it is similar with grieving a loved one. It’s like someone hit a giant pause button, and life doesn’t go anywhere for a bit. Even so, there are signals of change all around us, albeit small ones. The flowers bloom. The trees leaf out. The kids keep growing. My hair keeps turning more gray.

I am a person who loves making milestones a big deal. We celebrate birthdays, holidays, last days of school, any sort of milestone. I want to throw a party and invite everyone to participate in some way of acknowledging what has passed. But now the celebrations have changed, and they are much smaller and less populated.

We can believe that with nothing to look forward to, we are stuck. We feel like we are living the same day over and over. But this morning God reminded me that this time can be a gift.

Walking in Dependence

Walking in Dependence

My son and I were talking yesterday and I watched him finally confront the sadness that he had kept at bay for the last couple of weeks. He was sad he wasn’t going back to school for the foreseeable future, that he wouldn’t get to enjoy days with his great teacher and friends. And he asked me how long the sickness was going to last. And I don’t know. So, we talked about how we do hard things, and find the joy in them. And we talked about how it’s okay to be sad and miss things, and then also okay to enjoy the day in the way we could.

The reactions from many of the people I work with in counseling have been similar—how do we do this season when everything has been uprooted and made raw?

I was thinking through practical tools I’ve been giving people, which I will talk about later in this post. But first, God reminded me this morning we do this season of life just like we do every other season--in dependence on Jesus. Every morning we can wake up knowing that the day is too big for us, and ask Him to be all we need for it. That hasn’t changed with the magnitude of the situation, or the radical difference many of us feel in our lives. God hasn’t changed. He is still more than enough for all the pieces of our lives, even the ones that look like pandemic, shelter-at-home and remote everything.

Dealing with Failure

Dealing with Failure

Last week, I was in a mood. For most of the afternoon, I stomped around grumpy with the kids, the house, the husband. Everything. I justified it in my head as being someone else’ fault, but it wasn’t. I dished out orders to my precious little ones—I even got mad at the dog because she wouldn’t stop barking at something she has made up in her head! I was incredibly unpleasant to be around.

When I finally realized what a jerk I was being, I hung my head in shame. Here I am, the one who is supposed to know Jesus and experience His fullness and strength for everything—stomping around and throwing a temper tantrum like a 3-year-old.

Now, I have learned a few things about failure. And it is an ongoing sort of lesson, but I wanted to encourage any of you that feel like you have failed recently whether it be in a big or small way. These are some common misconceptions with failure that I think will help you come back to your acknowledgment of your state of abiding in Christ.

God's Enoughness

God's Enoughness

What do you need for today? Do you feel like you’ve been waiting so long for something that has yet to come? Do you feel a growing discouragement that it won’t ever come? Do you look at your day and feel it has already become too big for you to handle?

There are many things I have asked God for that He hasn’t brought yet. And there are things He has promised me that He hasn’t yet fulfilled. I was reading Genesis 17, which begins by telling us that Abram is now 99 years old. This man has been waiting on God’s promise of a son who will become a great nation for many, many years. I bet he’s been tempted to quit believing God’s promise many times. 

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus