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Hannah Morrell
Faithfulness Even Still

My friends in Haiti are isolated from the world again after the gangs fired on a commercial plane and the airport was closed this week. They were ousted from their homes for over a year while fighting raged around them and they went into hiding. They have shown up for teen and preteen kids who are watching their friends die, and who are still healing from their pasts. I am so blown away by their faithfulness.

I speak to several woman who are raising kids while dealing with debilitating illness and chronic pain in themselves. They show up for their families in the ways they can while desperately surviving their own health journeys. I know they often feel like they are failing, like they can’t do what other moms can do. But I stand in awe of their faithfulness to keep showing up.

Faithfulness Even Still
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Hannah Morrell
The Wilderness

Several years ago, my husband and I were camping in Moab, Utah with our one-year-old son. Camping is probably a generous term—we did have a pop-up camper and weren’t really roughing it. We did, however, drive about half an hour outside of town on a dirt road to the middle of nowhere, and then parked the camper at the top of a rocky hill. The views were spectacular, and we would only see another car on the dirt road about once every few hours. It was a little taste of the wilderness, with only us and our little camper. No cell service, no toilets, and no other people around.

This seemed like a fantastic experience until we decided the next day to head back into town to get a few groceries. After piling in the truck, my husband tried to start the vehicle, but it wouldn’t start. The truck’s battery was dead. And the wilderness experience that seemed like a lot of fun became quite scary.

I started to panic, wondering how we would ever get out of there. No cars came by on the road, and it was at least a day’s walk to get back into town with a one-year-old and only so much food for camping. Finally after a bit of worry, my husband brilliantly figured out that he could use the camper batteries to jump the truck battery, and we were finally moving again.

But what about the figurative wildernesses in which we find ourselves where we can’t figure a way out, and we sit and wait with no resources and no hope? Wildernesses are a real experience in life, and one which often catches us by surprise. I’m not sure why, as so many of the people in the Bible went through years and years of wilderness, sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal. There are stories of prison, hardships, desert-living, wandering, frustration, hopelessness, disbursement and aching for home.

The Wilderness
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Hannah Morrell
Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

Why I Choose Jesus
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Hannah Morrell
Walking Like a Superhero

There’s a little boy I see every morning when I’m dropping my daughter off at school. He comes to help drop off his older brother, and always shows up in his Superman pajamas complete with cape. The thing that always strikes me as hilarious is how he walks next to his dad. He’s this tiny little man, but walks like he is 10 feet tall—he definitely has the superhero walk down. His cape flows behind him, and he takes large, commanding steps no matter where he is going.

I love watching him and it makes me giggle a little to watch him stride through the parking lot. This morning, though, God spoke and asked me how I would walk if I knew and believed the super power that dwells within me? That caught me off guard. You see, I used to always walk with my eyes on my shoes (which might explain some of my clumsiness). I didn’t feel that I had worth, and I walked like it. I didn’t understand Who I had, or who I was.

You see, when you have Christ’s Life within you, you have the power of the Living God walking around with you. He says He will be everything you need, and we have all of Him to meet all of our problems, dilemmas and circumstances. I think when I realize that I am the chosen dwelling place of God Himself (1 Corinthians 6:19), and that makes me His.

Walking Like a Superhero
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Hannah Morrell
Cry of the Broken-Hearted

We cry out from a broken heart,
Shards lying all around us on the ground.
Our tears pour out—
It feels like they will never end.

The pain explodes from within us,
Our chests feeling like they will break apart.
Lying face down on the ground,
Our desperate plea for help and rescue escaping our lips.

Our Kind Shepherd is here,
Never leaving, never abandoning us in grief.
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief Himself,
He will not turn away.

Cry of the Broken-Hearted

faith

Why I Choose Jesus

Why I Choose Jesus

I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

Dismissing Distractions

Dismissing Distractions

Every day a thousand things clamor for our attention, yelling to us about how important they are. Almost everyone in our lives are happy to tell us what should matter to us, what our focus should be. We can so easily live distracted, which also means we live exhausted as we get judged from every side about what should be our primary focus and how to make it so.

I have been rejected and beat up by religious people more than nonreligious. I know it’s because they have decided that the religion they hold is what’s saving them, what’s making God happy and they are terrified I’m doing it wrong. I have often said (as my mentor and friend Mike Wells taught me to do) that I will say things that are wrong, even downright blasphemy. God will allow this because He wants to draw people to Himself, not to follow me. It also keeps me in a place where I know my weakness, and I know I need Holy Spirit to interpret the very words that come out my mouth or my laptop.  He is the great interpreter, and He is able to translate and speak through whatever is said to bring His message to the person.

I will be the first to state that I can get it wrong, and I never want to stand up as someone who has all the answers. Because I don’t. All I have to offer is Jesus—a Life who gently invades our hearts and heals us from brokenness. I don’t want to get distracted by whatever program or theology someone has decided is preeminent. I want to be the person with the one-stringed banjo who keeps playing that one string over and over, because it’s the only string that matters to me. There are days often where people accuse me of being affiliated with all sorts of broken people. Isn’t that funny? We are all broken, but have arguments about who is more broken and judge and condemn others to try to make ourselves feel superior.

Embracing the Bulb

Embracing the Bulb

I am absolutely a fair-weather gardener. I prefer my time outside to be sunny with a comfortable temperature that doesn’t require my fingers to freeze or my face to hurt. Spring planting, summer tending and fall harvesting all fit into this comfort level most years. One of my favorite days of the year is when we go buy flowers to plant in the early summer, for that’s when you can plant here in Colorado with less chance of random snow or freeze that will kill them.

This year, however, I am doing some things differently. I’m trying to embrace the bulb.

Bulbs are planted in the fall, and often late fall when the weather is not quite as pleasant. Thankfully, our weather has been nice, but the ground is still a bit tougher than it is during the summer. I got my shovel out and started digging many, many holes in the flower beds. As I dug, some things struck me.

I prefer flowers because I can see what they are going to look like. It’s instant gratification, as I can look out at my flower beds and see the beauty right after planting. But with bulbs, you bury them deep in the ground, hoping they will look like you are anticipating when they come up in the spring. Bulbs are probably more similar to the work I do with people, investing time, love and hope in them without any idea what will come of it. I love that God empowers us to do this without knowing the end of the story. How many times has God asked you to reach out in love to someone without knowing the response, or if they will reject or betray you? But the end of the story doesn’t determine if you should love them—Jesus loves the unlovable, the enemy and the betrayers. He can be enough love for us to do this also.

What My Kids Teach Me

What My Kids Teach Me

I learn from my kids almost every day. I’m not saying they are perfect, or never do anything that requires correction. But they also teach me. I don’t say this in arrogance, but I don’t think I expected to learn this much from my kids. I figured I’d be doing all the teaching, I suppose.

I watch them show up in bravery in ways I never would have imagined as a kid their ages. They face pain, discomfort, embarrassment and fear each day in their sports. My daughter stood on a pitcher’s mound yesterday and pitched two innings of the first game of the softball season, knowing it was going to be harder with this year’s rules and a tough first opponent. All eyes on her, she breathed through her fear and struck them out twice. It wasn’t perfect. It was better than perfect—it was brave.

My son walked onto a basketball court a couple of weeks ago and faced a three-person team of kids who were all at least a foot taller than him, and looked like grown men. He didn’t back down, but worked with his teammates to figure a way around the giants by shooting baskets from the outside and passing frequently. He didn’t quit or run away, and handled the loss like a champ. His perseverance showed in the next game where he came away scoring all but two of the points in the game. Even against incredible odds, he was all-in, continuing to forge ahead and figure out what to do next.

Both of them have faced being in different schools this year, and the loneliness that has brought on some days. Don’t get me wrong, they don’t always get along, but they at least knew they had a buddy somewhere in the school when they were at the same elementary school and would encourage each other in the hallways when they walked by. This year, my son took on middle school, which isn’t a scenario I would like to repeat in my own life. Walking into middle school feels like a totally different world than the elementary school, and he had to learn where all his classes were, how to keep up grades on his own and how to maneuver through the social weirdness that is that age. He has developed friendships, stayed away from the drama and didn’t allow the rejections that happened to deter him from continuing to engage with people.

The Poison of Religion

The Poison of Religion

I think it was C.S. Lewis who said that a book needed to be written about the injustices and crimes committed by those who claimed to know God, so that we could show the differences between those whose hearts are actually God’s, and those who claim any sort of power that will allow them to abuse and manipulate. I am not planning to write that book, but I have been thinking a lot about the poison of religion when it claims to know God or speak for Him while doing the opposite of His character. 

It is interesting how often Jesus criticizes the religious hierarchy in His teaching in the Gospels. He calls them out for beating people down with rules and laws while breaking them, or not acting in love toward any of their people. He sees the hypocrisy of their behavior as they postured greatness but really acted as criminals in religious clothing.

This story has been repeated throughout the ages since Jesus, but they have taken on His name and claimed His message of salvation. They go without grace, without love and without real Life to offer anyone. They hurt, destroy, abuse, kill, manipulate, and break people as they go. People who equate God’s name or message with these individuals or organizations are, understandably, horrified, and want nothing to do with God the rest of their lives because of the pain they have caused.

When God Doesn't Change It

When God Doesn't Change It

I’ll be honest—there are many times that I have it out with my kind Father because I am confused about why He is allowing certain suffering, or how long He is taking to get people out of it. Sometimes it’s my own waiting that pushes me to frustration, while other times it’s growing weary in praying for others in their particular situation. The agony of the “not yet” sometimes seems to suck all the hope out of us, leaving us with constant pestering question that children of all ages have asked for decades—are we there yet?

In one of my recent podcast interviews, Sherry Roberts talks about how God asked her if she wanted Him for what He could do for her, or for Himself. And that’s got me thinking of how often I really want hope to be in the future relief or change that will bring me comfort. I don’t want hope to be found in a person, the person of Jesus. My ultimate goal is often to be comfortable, to not suffer, to avoid all the bad stuff.

So many times, though, I see that the removal of the places I find life, comfort or security are really the keys to freedom and becoming fearless. And no, I don’t like that any better than you do. I often throw a little temper tantrum about it even, like a small child who doesn’t get my way. I definitely never expected my life to be here, and wouldn’t have predicted it years ago in looking ahead.

God's Remedy for Fear

God's Remedy for Fear

Fear in our society has gone from being an obsession in our own private minds to a constant surrounding presence. Everywhere we look, someone is calling out another problem that should cause us to be afraid. Sometimes I feel like a pinball, bouncing from one thing to the next about which I am supposed to get worked up and live in constant fear. In fact, the prevailing opinion seems to be that if you do not live in anxiety all the time, something is wrong with you or you are being ignorant.

I find it interesting that God focuses on fear so much in the Bible. I have heard it said that some form of “do not be afraid” is in the Bible 365 times. I believe, though, that God always provides a different way. It is not just a condemnation of fear so that we man-handle ourselves into judgement so we don’t fear. Instead, God tells us don’t fear, instead pray, trust, believe. He gives us something to put our energy toward rather than just telling us not to be afraid.

I was looking at a few of the more common fears today, and looking at God’s remedy for each of them. I want to move past just telling myself not to be afraid and understand the way in which God has provided an escape or a safe place to deal with the fear.

One fear that is a struggle for many of us is the fear of inadequacy. What if we walk around our daily lives constantly feeling as though we are not enough. I hear a lot of people try to combat this feeling with a recitation that they are, in fact, enough. I don’t find this entirely helpful, though, as just saying something doesn’t make it true or believable. Instead, I think we have to push into the weakness, real or imagined, and admit where we are.

Recognizing Freedom

Recognizing Freedom

I just got to spend an incredible weekend with a group of women talking about freedom in Christ. I was so excited about what God was teaching me through preparing for the women’s retreat, I wanted to share some of it in a blog post.

Freedom is not something we create, but rather recognize. We are recognizing the freedom Jesus has already provided for us. He has done all the work, and the responsibility for freeing us from sin, shame, rejection, and so many other things is all His. When we accept this gift, we slowly begin to move into the realization of this freedom.

From what are we free? From our past and the negative identity messages that have been ingrained in our minds as we acknowledge the new life given and the Truth that sets us free. From rejection and people-pleasing as we recognize that crazy people don’t get to tell me who I am—only Jesus gets to tell me who I am now. From being a slave to emotion as I realize that emotion isn’t bad, but it should never be in charge and should be led with truth. From the world’s definition of success and failure as I recognize that success to God is knowing Him (Jn 17:3) and dependence on Him for every bit of my daily life. From fear as I recognize perfect love casts out fear and can move into being motivated by love instead of fear. From comparison—seeing people with God’s eyes and loving them rather than trying to feel more superior through comparison. From walking in sin as I realize sin isn’t natural or comfortable for the believer who loves Jesus, but it isn’t a guilt motivation but rather a natural outflow of Christ’s life in us. From filling needs with things of this world, as we realize they are like cotton candy—taste good for a minute but have no nutritional value or sustenance. From religion as we see the rules never helped anyone be free, but the relationship is the beginning of freedom.

I Will Trust You

I Will Trust You

I will trust You when the future looks uncertain.
I will trust You when logic tells me I shouldn’t.
I will trust You even if I don’t get what I want.

I will trust You to give me what brings me close to You.
I will trust You to lead me to places I never dreamed.
I will trust You to provide enough, even if it’s not in the way I thought best.

I will trust You when I am surrounded by darkness.
I will trust You when the worries want to choke me.
I will trust You even when I can’t see a clear path ahead.

Fear and the Shepherd

Fear and the Shepherd

I’m afraid of so many things. Small, cramped spaces. Sending my kids to school. Rejection. Being left out. Home invasions. Doing or saying the wrong thing. Hurting someone. The list goes on and on. If I allow it to, fear can totally dictate every choice in my life, and keep me from so many things because of what might happen.

Something I’ve been learning, though, is that fear is a choice. Yes, some of us have trauma or training that would have us tend toward that choice. But we can slowly retrain that part of our brain that wants us to live in fear, and begin the process of becoming free.

I was reading Psalm 23 the other day and had a revelation—we can either follow fear or the Shepherd in decisions, but not both. It’s either attempting to protect ourselves and those around us (which really boils down to control), or entrusting ourselves and those we love to the Shepherd. We struggle with this because we have this illusion of control—we think we can control circumstances or people. But the reality is this is an illusion, and we are spinning our wheels trying to do something we have no actual power to do.

We have to recognize this lack of control and power, I think, before we are willing to trust the Shepherd. I have to acknowledge that I can’t protect myself or my family from every harm, that I can’t always avoid elevators or caves, that I can’t be likable enough to avoid all rejection or being left out, that I will hurt someone whether I mean to or not, and that I will definitely say the wrong thing sometimes. Usually when we start to get a glimpse of this, we shut down again and turn a blind eye—working harder to try to control something of which we have no actual control. However, we can also move into entrusting these worries and fears to the Shepherd.

Obedience: Because, Not In Order To

Obedience: Because, Not In Order To

Ok, these prepositions are kind of awkward, I’ll admit. But I think we need some definition and order in what we say sometimes, and perhaps awkwardness sometimes catches people up enough to open a perspective shift possibility.

So, obedience is doing what you are told, right? And obedience to God would then be doing what God tells you to do. It’s impossible to please God without faith (Hebrews 11:6), and faith without works is dead (James 2:14).

BUT.

There is an order to this, and we often get it wrong. My friend and mentor Mike Wells had a great illustration for this, where he would demonstrate that giving all the numbers of his telephone number in no particular order did a person no good if they wanted to call him. You have to have the numbers in the exact order in order to connect with a person with a phone call. Just a bunch of random 7’s, 2’s and 0’s doesn’t help you at all!

In the same way, we have to get the order right in our relationship with God.

Slow Walking

Slow Walking

I don’t know about you, but walking slowly kills me. Whether it be the zoo, the mall or the museum, there is lots of walking slowly while looking at things. I can walk quickly or run, but the slow walking makes me hurt in ways I never expect. Sometimes I feel like that’s how so much of life is—slow-walking through another problem, another dilemma, another decision. We can’t run through whatever it is, but have to maintain a slow, even pace.

I want the big moves! The big changes! The times when everything flips and you are dealing with a brand new thing. But often, we are called to the slow, steady pursuit of what God has put in front of us.

The beautiful news about this is that God has not abandoned us to do it alone. He never said we were supposed to be able to fulfill all the promises of God by ourselves, or that we should do all the good because we’ve generated enough willpower to make it through. Instead, He promises to be the power within us to walk the slow walk when it’s called for, to keep holding on when everything in us wants to quit or run.

In What Are You Trusting?

In What Are You Trusting?

I am discovering there is nothing like the year 2020 for helping us sift through and recognize what it is we use as our foundation and safety point. For many, it’s being able to get up each day and not have to think too much about going out, or our health. The COVID crisis this year has changed that significantly, and we no longer have the freedom to go about life as we did before. Those who struggle with chronic illness have walked through shifting trust away from health already, and in some ways are prepared better for the current COVID-world than those who have not had their physical limitations as pronounced.

Some trust financial stability, and the means to provide for their family or to maintain their standard of living. This year has taken its tolls on this safety net as well for many, with job losses, economic nosedives and general unease about what the future holds. Some put their trust in the control they have over the future, or at least the control they think they have. We go about our days assuming we know the future, and 2020 has basically blown that out of the water. I think my most common answer for my kids’ questions this year has been “I don’t know” as I don’t know what will happen with school, when we will get to see their grandparents in Texas, or even what next week will hold!

What we are really confronted with during this year particularly is how little control we have. We maintain an illusion of being in control of our lives, but we don’t realize how much this is a falsehood.

The Weed of Fear

The Weed of Fear

I have a vine in my backyard that seems to be a parasite that can’t be stopped . I know I talk a lot about The Vine (Jesus in John 15:5), but this isn’t that kind of vine.

I first found evidence of it coming through the fence from my neighbor’s back yard into mine. I just cut off the branches coming through the fence, and thought I had it sorted. I found more a bit further into the yard, and started to wonder. Finally, some popped up right in the middle of my raised garden bed, meaning it had gone through the weed guard and all the soil and come up right in the middle of my vegetables.

This meant war. I started pulling the vine out, and it kept going. And going. I pulled up the weed guard a little to look underneath, and realized there was an immense system of vines growing all under it like it was a comfortable blanket rather than a method of keeping weeds out. I found it clear across on the other side of the yard, which means this vine system is now growing throughout my entire yard, underneath everything and lying in wait for whatever plant it can take over while I’m not watching.

Now, I realize I make it sound quite menacing, but honestly, this plant is trying to take over! But it got me thinking about the small things we allow to grow under the surface of our lives without checking them at the fence, and as they slowly spread and choke the life out of everything we have tended so carefully, we can wonder how they could have gotten there.

Waves Are Only Waves

Waves Are Only Waves

I was listening to the song “Peace, Be Still” sung by Hope Darst the other day, and thinking about when Jesus calmed the storm in Mark 4. The world right now often feels like we are in the middle of a storm, as it rages around us with all its fury and confusion. We can begin to feel as though everything is out of control, and we are just floating over each wave as we are pelted with rain.

Many of the disciples who were with Jesus were fisherman, so the sea was not a foreign place to them. They spent a large part of their lives understanding the weather, knowing when fishing was best and dealing with boats on the sea. This storm sent them all into a fright, which made me consider a couple of things.

God's Enoughness

God's Enoughness

What do you need for today? Do you feel like you’ve been waiting so long for something that has yet to come? Do you feel a growing discouragement that it won’t ever come? Do you look at your day and feel it has already become too big for you to handle?

There are many things I have asked God for that He hasn’t brought yet. And there are things He has promised me that He hasn’t yet fulfilled. I was reading Genesis 17, which begins by telling us that Abram is now 99 years old. This man has been waiting on God’s promise of a son who will become a great nation for many, many years. I bet he’s been tempted to quit believing God’s promise many times. 

Finding the Joy

Finding the Joy

A few days ago, we were having company over for dinner and I was a teeny bit stressed about the preparation. I always think I’m much further ahead than I am, and I go from totally fine to the-world-is-falling-apart in three seconds flat. My 8-year-old son looked at me and asked innocently, “Mom, what can you look forward to today so you won’t be so stressed and you can relax?” And my jaw dropped open. Here was my child directing me to look past the hard thing to the good—to find the joy in the moment rather than allowing the stress to destroy it. 

Religious Performance vs. Life in Christ

Religious Performance vs. Life in Christ

I think one of my greatest struggles in life has been to break free from the “religious” performance and recognize Christ’s Life as the source of every good work. I used to obsess on how I was working so hard to make God happy, when that was not His desire at all. In fact, I failed a lot and was completely miserable in my quest to be a perfect child of God on my own. Not to mention I judged a lot of other people in order to try to make myself feel better. Of course, it didn’t work, and I just ended up being a judgmental, miserable human with a prettied up exterior to show off in an attempt to prove I was something else. So much work for nothing!

When God's Plan Seems Crazy

When God's Plan Seems Crazy

I was listening to Lisa Jo Baker today as she talked about a story in 2 Chronicles in which God told King Jehoshaphat to do some crazy things when faced with enemies bent on the destruction of his people. God told him not to fear, to stand still and to watch the Lord fight for him. So, he sent the choir out front of the army and marched down to meet the other armies. The singers sang praise to God and as they did this, the Lord defeated the armies and had them kill each other. When the Israelites arrived on the scene, nothing was left but corpses. It made me laugh because of how often God asks us to do the thing that doesn’t make sense, that makes us feel or look like a fool, or that is the opposite of what we would think we should do. 

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus