God of the messy and the inconsistent,
God of the distracted and ashamed,
God of the broken-hearted and grieving,
God of the discouraged and anxious—
Thank you as we start the year afresh,
We do not fear our own weakness or lack.
That we don’t have to pretend with you,
For you already know us inside and out.
Thank you for choosing to be the God of the messy.
Thank you for not expecting us to have it all together,
Or figured out or planned ahead.
Thank you for your patience in our failings and flaws.
In the work I do with pastoral counseling, we discuss the past and the way it has shaped our view of ourselves today, as well as our views of God. I do believe there is validity in doing this analysis to a degree, as it allows us to know why we do what we do presently, and also how to do something different as we move forward. So often we need to know the problem before we can allow God to heal the problem.
I do, however, believe that there is a limit to this, as continuing to go over and over the past ends up getting our eyes on the hurts and not on the way through. We must allow God to take the hurts of the past and replace it with our new identity. He has already done this, but we get to recognize how that plays out in our lives. Instead of continuing to believe we are worthless, shameful, unloved and unacceptable, we get to move into the reality that Jesus has made us worthy, shame-free, loved enormously, and acceptable completely. The more we focus on the past, the more stuck in it we become. So, it becomes a fine line between understanding the past and the effects on today and letting the past continue to control our present and future.
Mike Wells used to say that dwelling on the past and our pain for too long is incredibly boring. We get bored just over-analyzing all of it and getting nowhere. I want better, more and new. I don’t want to allow whoever hurt me to continue to control where I go now, both mentally and physically.
I have been intrigued by David and his life quite a lot this year, and have loved watching his emotion be expressed in so many of his psalms. He is angry, sad, depressed, confused—so many emotions we tend to stuff and pretend God doesn’t want to hear about. David is very honest about all of them, and I love that God receives it. The other thing I’ve noticed about David’s writings is how much He focuses on praising God, even in the middle of less than ideal circumstances.
This man had a rough life. He was running away from people who were trying to kill him often—sometimes they were enemy armies, and sometimes they were people who were supposed to be allies but betrayed him. His own son ended up making him run for his life. David made a lot of mistakes, and the Bible is very honest about too. We are never under any fantasies of David being perfect with a perfect life. But still he praised God, and thanked Him for His love and faithfulness.
I read recently that studies have shown that anxiety and gratitude cannot coexist in your brain. If we are focusing on gratitude and praising God, even in the middle of suffering and struggle, we don’t let the anxiety have the run of our brain. Praise actually becomes one of our greatest brain weapons. We are able, no matter the circumstance, to stop and praise God. We may not be thankful for the situation, but we can thank Him for His love and faithfulness just like David did. We may be in physical pain, in mental anguish or in emotional upheaval, but we can still worship Jesus and lift our spirits. I find it fascinating that Paul and Silas in Acts (***) were singing praise to God WHILE in prison. Yes, God busted them out, but they were singing before that happened!
My friends in Haiti are isolated from the world again after the gangs fired on a commercial plane and the airport was closed this week. They were ousted from their homes for over a year while fighting raged around them and they went into hiding. They have shown up for teen and preteen kids who are watching their friends die, and who are still healing from their pasts. I am so blown away by their faithfulness.
I speak to several woman who are raising kids while dealing with debilitating illness and chronic pain in themselves. They show up for their families in the ways they can while desperately surviving their own health journeys. I know they often feel like they are failing, like they can’t do what other moms can do. But I stand in awe of their faithfulness to keep showing up.
Several years ago, my husband and I were camping in Moab, Utah with our one-year-old son. Camping is probably a generous term—we did have a pop-up camper and weren’t really roughing it. We did, however, drive about half an hour outside of town on a dirt road to the middle of nowhere, and then parked the camper at the top of a rocky hill. The views were spectacular, and we would only see another car on the dirt road about once every few hours. It was a little taste of the wilderness, with only us and our little camper. No cell service, no toilets, and no other people around.
This seemed like a fantastic experience until we decided the next day to head back into town to get a few groceries. After piling in the truck, my husband tried to start the vehicle, but it wouldn’t start. The truck’s battery was dead. And the wilderness experience that seemed like a lot of fun became quite scary.
I started to panic, wondering how we would ever get out of there. No cars came by on the road, and it was at least a day’s walk to get back into town with a one-year-old and only so much food for camping. Finally after a bit of worry, my husband brilliantly figured out that he could use the camper batteries to jump the truck battery, and we were finally moving again.
But what about the figurative wildernesses in which we find ourselves where we can’t figure a way out, and we sit and wait with no resources and no hope? Wildernesses are a real experience in life, and one which often catches us by surprise. I’m not sure why, as so many of the people in the Bible went through years and years of wilderness, sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal. There are stories of prison, hardships, desert-living, wandering, frustration, hopelessness, disbursement and aching for home.
How many times have you found yourself stewing on all the failures of your day, or your life? This obsessing on stupid decisions, words spoken and actions left undone, will lead us eventually to feeling as though we are failures. There is a big difference between failing sometimes and being a failure. And I haven’t found that beating ourselves up is the answer to that distinction.
Someone recently asked me what I told people with body image issues, and those who obsess on their physical flaws. This is a very common problem. People define beauty by a certain cultural standard and then measure their own physical appearance by that standard, and usually can find a lot lacking. In this process, they can often even create problems that aren't there, and thus twist their mind to see an unreal perspective.
January and February are not my favorite months of the year. They are still definitely winter, but the fun of the Christmas season is over and they often just seem bleak and cold to me. I thrive in spring and summer—the green shoots coming up that I’ve planted and nurtured, the warmth of the air and the smell of new life.Recently, though, God’s been reminding me of the importance of winter.
I have a friend who calls himself a “recovering religious addict.” I can describe myself this way also. There are days I want to try to make a formula fit every situation, rather than turning to the One with whom I have relationship. I sit in self-righteousness for a moment over something I want to say I’ve done, only to collapse into self-loathing in realization I can’t maintain anything. Religion is poisonous and life-sucking, as we try to earn love and approval through performance. And it’s love we already have from God! We work for something we already have.
I think we are geared as humans to try to find a way out of circumstances that don’t feel good. We want to find freedom from the tight rope of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. And yet, often it seems God asks us to stay the course and hold the tension while He provides what we need for that walking.
So many people I’ve talked to recently speak of feeling “beat up” especially after the holidays. Family time has been scathing and torturous rather than enjoyable. Relationships you thought you could count on have turned on you and left you feeling betrayed. The days you looked forward to because of what they are “supposed to be” as portrayed by our culture have stung you like a scorpion hiding in a shoe.
I’ve never made a habit of picking a word for the year like some people do. Not that there’s anything wrong with it at all! I’ve thought about it, but usually end up over-thinking it and just giving up. But last year and this one, I have noticed that God has brought a reverberating theme—He puts a word or phrase on repeat in my heart and is using the circumstances of the year to really reveal the depth of that in my life.
Christmas time is here! For me, Christmas is a beautiful time of year to refocus and worship the King of Kings. It does not for one second mean that this time is without turmoil, conflict, frustration and sadness. It’s interesting to me that throughout the Bible, God comes for those who are weak, unqualified and not at all what the world would choose as His representatives. And He does things in ways that they would not have chosen for themselves.
Overnight my world had changed, I woke up with nerve pain in my hands, arms, feet and legs, it was burning and stinging all over; just the day before I was fine. Soon, I had fatigue, dizziness, headaches, muscle weakness and my tendons became loose and painful. Each day was worse than the next, I lost over 25 pounds within two months and it became difficult just to walk. Thirteen specialists later and a multitude of test, everything had come back negative. The doctors had no answer for what was wrong with me.
"Why would anyone listen to me? I’m a late-30’s chick who hasn’t experienced everything in life, doesn’t have all the answers and can’t fix anyone." That’s what flashes through my mind anytime someone tells me that God has spoken to them through me. But isn’t that the coolest thing? I have Jesus living in me, and Jesus has been tried in every way, is the Way and can give new Life!
“You stand and fall by your definitions.” That’s something my friend and mentor Mike Wells used to say a lot. I’ve been working on a book about identity recently, and have realized how identity is really your definition of yourself. And this definition of yourself is often quite errant. We fall a lot because of a misguided definition of ourselves based on messages and hurts from our past mixed with an enemy who is doing all he can to keep us stagnant and stuck in ourselves.
